just jillana

FAV YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE DAY.

2010-03-17T23:40:00.001-04:00

Are you my mother?

2010-03-17T23:31:00.003-04:00

I am such a sucky blogger. I neglect my blog for months at a time. If my blog were a child it would have been taken away from me for abandonment and neglet a way long time ago.

But thus is the life of a college student.

I shouldn't even really be blogging right now since I just told someone I was going to go do my quiet time and then go to sleep.

In my own words "I can't short change God." So, I really should go do my quiet time and then go to sleep....but I decided I would check in really quick and feed my child....make sure she wasn't dead.

Ramblings...

2009-12-15T01:01:00.002-05:00

This video kind of pertains to a blog I wrote over the summer over the same issue. Why do we care about hair soo much? Why are girls so mean to people that they don't even know? What is wrong with us? It doesn't make sense to me that people would go up to someone and just say that they're hair is ugly. Just because their famous doesn't mean they're open to your critique. We don't do that to 'normal' people. But we forget that famous people are normal people too. I don't know. I probably sound like I should be more concerned with other issues of the earth but this just bugs me. Why do we as humans HAVE to put others down? Why?

You Know it's Finals Week When...

2009-12-14T00:19:00.002-05:00

Now that they're over, I can joke about them. Before, life was too depressing to even laugh...yeah. it was bad. But now...I can breath again, and turn off my brain. Well, not completely. I'll leave it on when I blog. Since it is Christmas Break I can blog more. Cause...talk about slackin.'

So now I'm going to try and change that.

Starting with my "you know it's finals week when" list.

1. You know it's finals week when you just put on clothes you've found on the floor without checking to see if they're dirty.

2. You know it's finals week when all of the energy drinks are gone from the vending machines.

3. You know it's finals week when it just starts feeling like one really long, bad, day.

4. You know it's finals week when you feel like you're walking to your death when you walk into a classroom.

5. You know it's finals week when you come out of a test feeling like you wouldn't be able to take it again in an hour because you would have forgotten everything.

ahh....glad to get that out. lol any other "you know it's finals week when's?"

Day One

2009-11-02T00:29:00.002-05:00

So Day one of Nanowrimo.

National Novel Writing Month...I decided I was going to submit and give it a try at around 11:45. Putting aside my fears of undone homework and sleepless nights. (because really, this was already happening anyway.)

My best friend Lali is also doing this and so she is my motivation to try and actually go through with writing a 50,000 word novel in a month. Whoa. I know. I feel my eyes burning with exhaustion already.

But it should be fun. I do want to write a novel so this is going to be the kick in the butt that I need to get it done. Who knows what will happen after that?

I'm only at 150 words so far because I really do need to get this homework done. But along with writing the novel, doing my school work, sleeping, working out, reading Twilight and New Moon over again before that movie comes out, I will also be updating my blog on this whole NanoWrimo thing. Hopefully. At least their isn't a suggested word count of like 1300 or something per day.

Per day.

FAV YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE DAY.

2009-10-29T20:20:00.005-04:00

Watch it Twice! lol (something is going on and I give up on trying to fix it.)

PRINCESS AND THE FROG!!! sooooo pumped.

FAV YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE DAY.

2009-10-29T03:12:00.001-04:00

Favorite Youtube Video of the Day

2009-10-14T12:46:00.001-04:00

Jordin Sparks!

Favorite Youtube Video of the Day

2009-10-14T00:59:00.000-04:00

Too Bad I'm in the South

2009-10-14T00:42:00.002-04:00

The only thing I miss about being up north is Fall. I guess we have it here, but it's sporatic. Fall doesn't make a grand entrance here. It peeks in and out until December--when winter hits.

In Michigan, summer was over by October 1st. It was such a blatant switch--I loved that time of year. To actually have four distinct seasons was amazing. People started putting pumpkins on their porches, we got to bust out our scarves. Scarves actually had a purpose there, and weren't just a fashion accessory. But I can't complain too much about the south because it is the best place to be when the winter months hit.

Ice-scicles thicker than your head and longer than your entire body line the roofs of buildings waiting to fall and kill you. The icy winds are so strong, a snow man that took hours crumbles with the change in current.

But, my point is they have FALL. My favorite season! The leaves actually have a period where they are different colors on the trees. Here, they almost stay green until the last second before the fall off and die. No in between. Hot or cold.

Favorite Youtube Video of the Day

2009-08-31T23:33:00.003-04:00

my bestest friend Beth and my favorite 2-year-old Michael

I've Been Thinking...

2009-08-14T20:01:00.001-04:00

That the Twilight series is a story that isn't just pure entertainment.

They represent what a lot of people yearn for--a true unconditional love like Edward and Bella's

An "I'd die for you" kind of love. I think so many girls obsess over Edward especially because they know some how that they will never find that kind of love in a real guy.

But I think we're missing the point.

We will never find that kind of supernatural love in another human being. Which is why I think these stories had to be told in the context of vampires. There had to be some magical explanation for why Edward and Bella were able to love each other like that.

Anyway...to my point...

We CAN have that kind of love. It IS supernatural. It's something that I've known for a while but weirdly enough needed Twilight to show me how real it was.

God loves us like that. God loves us more than that. It's really hard for me to grasp...to wrap my mind around. Because even though I've been told this my whole life...Jesus didn't just have the "I'd die for you" kind of attitude...he DID die for me.

He died for everyone past, present and future. And while he was on the cross...he thought of each and every person that he was dying for. And it's not because he just had a lot of time on his hands while he was hanging on the cross, because I'm sure there was a lot of pain that he could have been thinking about, but because He truly DID die for each of us because he truly does love each of us and doesn't want to see any one of us spending eternity in hell without Him.

I heard a really good metaphor for what Jesus did for us once that really stuck with me. It's actually a pretty obvious and easy metaphor...but...those are the best kind right?

anyway...

So, imagine that you're in court. You're about to be sentenced to life in prison. You've plead guilty. When all of a sudden someone stands up and volunteers to go to jail FOR you. They didn't commit the crime...you did. But you get to go free. It's simple...yet the most mind blowing thing once you really think about it. Because really...which one of us humans would be willing to serve someone ELSES' jail sentence. We're all about justice..."you do the crime, you do the time" kind of thinking.

It's weird, I know, but if I WAS the only person he could have saved by dying on the cross, he STILL would have done it. crazy right?

It was a gift. A gift that he gave willingly, but we still have to accept it. --another metaphor, it's like getting a present on Christmas...and leaving it under the tree unopened.

When we open the gift, when we believe and accept what Jesus did for us, we get to spend ETERNITY in heaven. That's not a Christmas gift I would want to leave unopened.

If we DON'T open the gift, if we reject Jesus, we have to spend eternity in hell, without Him. That's like Bella not caring at all that all of her family and friends risked their lives in every single book to save her...but on a much larger scale.

So because Jesus did that for me, how can I NOT be willing to live my life for him?

That's all he asks for in return.

One of the first bible verses you learn in church is John 3:16. I used to say it so much, it started to become irrelevant in my mind. But I know now the reason for why we spent so much time committing this verse to memory. It spells everything out so plainly, yet it's the most loaded verse in the whole Bible.

For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him SHALL NOT PERISH (you don't have to go to hell) but have EVERLASTING LIFE (you get to spend forever in heaven) John 3:16 (emphasis by Jillana)

I really think that the reason so many people are turned off to the idea of Christianity is because of the people who may have presented it to them in the past.

They base their opinions of Jesus and Christianity on people. People who are flawed, who could have impure motives. People can distract other people from getting to know Jesus. Who is perfect and won't EVER disappoint you like so many people can.

Not every person in the church is a hypocrite. But even if they were, it still doesn't take away from what Christianity is about. Just because you might have a math teacher who doesn't know what he is talking about, it doesn't mean that 2 + 2 isn't 4.

I know this might seem like it's rambling, but I needed to get this out. Thank you to whoever read this and I really hope and pray that something I said got you thinking.

Jillana

For anyone who wants to keep talking on this subject I'm open for discussion. Or you could read this -http://www.everystudent.com/features/faith.html?gclid=CNnI7retpJwCFRlinAodJGZllQ

or most importantly...THE BIBLE! :)

Book Store in My Room

2009-06-03T04:25:00.003-04:00

So, lately I've been really into books.

I've always been pretty interested in reading, but I wouldn't have called myself a 'pleasure reader.'

But when I get into something, I get really into it. It's really easy for me to form habits....good thing, that reading is a pretty good habit. I'm not exactly good at forming other good habits like...exercising.

So anyway, ever since last summer, when I started my reading kick. I stacked all of these books in the corner of my room planning to read them all before the summer was over. I was doing really well, I had gotten through like four books by late May, until my older sister introduced me to Twilight. Then a certain three, soon to be four books took over the rest of my summer, and my reading stack. (notice I said 'stack' and not 'list' I never wrote it down.)

Somewhere during the school year, my family decided to get some shelves built in our front room to house all of the books my parents have been collecting over the past 20 something years. Because the shelves were supposed to be built right away, the soon to be shelved books took up a temporary residence in my bedroom which, while I was away at school, apparently had turned into a dumping ground.

That was like...four months ago I want to say. Maybe a little less, and the books are still in my room. Well, they were, until I just moved them into the living room ten minutes ago. By myself. There were a good hundred or so books.

So, ever since my reading kick started I haven't been able to go into Border's without coming out with a mental note to add a book to the stack. This new found habit transferred to the moving of my parent's books.

I kept 8 in my room.

Some because I was wondering what my parents bought it for. like Dr. James Dobson's "The Strong-Willed Child." Did they buy that because of me? I don't think I've spent too many days of my life being 'strong-willed.'

Then there's Charles R. Swindoll's "Living on the Ragged Edge." What does that even mean? And why were my parent's reading it?

My mom got "Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much" as a gift, and it doesn't look like she's read a whole lot of it. Which...makes sense. She still does too much.

I found a hymn book that looks like it might have been lifted from a church we once attended. (I'm going to have to ask them about that one.) But I'm trying to learn the piano, so I kept that one out to see if I could play any of them.

"Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" is a pretty new book, but the bookmark is only on the 18th page, so I don't think anyone will mind if I add that one to the stack.

Then there's a few more devotional books that I'm going to try out. So it was a pretty productive venture if I do say so myself.

Take Your Daughter to Work Day

2009-05-24T00:26:00.006-04:00

Apparently that was Thursday.

I think I was the only one who participated 'cause, there were no other offspring at the Eggo plant other than me.

Yeah I know, weird right? I was really confused too. Especially as I stood around a table checking waffles for holes and other defects, and I realized that my dad was the only one willing to lug around his 19-year-old...

huh...weird....

Ok, sorry it's not funny anymore.

It wasn't take your "daughter to work day" it was "force Jillana to sit in your office because you think she's turning into a lazy moocher day."

I know I need a job. I get it. And I've been out of school for a few weeks now, and I've pretty much slept off the stresses of finals, so I know it's time to start lookin'. But still, I think the intervention is a bit premature.

I know A LOT of college kids still sittin' around on their butts, "sleeping off the stresses of finals."

My day started at six--after I subconsciously turned off my alarm--to the sound of some obnoxious bird chirping a very repetitious song outside my window, serving as my snooze alarm.

Then after being told what to wear and how to do my hair so that I looked "presentable" and after two or three reminders to my dad that I don't actually work for him, I was on my way to the Eggo plant.

I was recruited by my father to help assist in the production of a video presentation for some visitors that they are having soon. He suggested it because of my minor in film and sweet imovie skills. And even though I've only taken one film class, he insisted I use technical terminology when speaking to him about the video.

Yeah...that would have worked if I retained anything after May 1st and if he had any idea what I was talking about. So that didn't last...

Oh and ever since finals week I've become some what of a night owl. My sleeping schedule is totally backwards and my lack of responsibilities has opened up the day for napping. I've tried to get back to normal...to wake up early one day so that I could "re-set my clock" my sleeping clock, not my biological clock...obviously that one's still good.

So yeah anyway, the night before I carried out my sentence I decided to stay up all night. I wasn't really tired cause I'd slept until like two that day, so that part wasn't hard at all.

I figured since I would be forced to wake up early the next day, and I wouldn't be able to take any naps, that when I got home I would sleep at night when everyone else did!

But that was actually probably the worst decision I ever made. I was like a zombie the whole day. Too tired to answer questions and meet my honorary co-workers, but I did anyway cause it wasn't their fault I was completely sleep deprived.

Because of this, during Food Review(I think that's what it was called) I stared at a box of Eggos genuinely confused as I tried to open it neatly so I could start my part of the inspection. I couldn't figure it out and after about a minute I was gettin' frustrated so I ended up just like ripping it open only to be faced with the stupid plastic wrapping.

Once my waffles were out I started sorting them according to their impurities. Instead of Food Review I think it's pretty fitting to call that portion of my day the Waffle Holocaust. Once they were classified and recorded they were dumped into a big circle in the middle of the table with a trash can underneath to be given to the hogs.--it was kinda sad.

Oh and the plastic was recycled, I checked. But there were so many specific classifications and categories of defects that I ended up just sliding my piles down to my dad because clearly, I was in no shape to try and figure that out.

So after all of the holy waffles were disposed of, I worked and worked and worked on that video. I sifted through an hour worth of footage of waffles on "the line" the like conveyer belt things that you see on shows like "How it's Made." Basically...except for the breaks I took to watch Gilmore Girls on DVD I pretty much sat behind my laptop all day.

So I had a pretty thorough "job field" experience, I'd say.

Oh, back to being really really tired, I put my head down for like two seconds...the same two seconds that my dad was making his way back to his office.

I got a mini scolding from my boss because it looks bad I guess if I'm sleeping when no one else is allowed to.

"But I don't really work for you," I said for like the 9th time.

I mean, I didn't get mad when my 9th grade choir teacher brought her sick child with her because she couldn't leave school, and we all had to stare at her all comfy in a sleeping bag on the floor while we stood on some uncomfortable metal risers for like and hour. Nope, not mad at all.

So because he was aware of my idiotic decision to stay up all night, he told me to close the door if I needed to sleep. So I did.

I wouldn't have passed out sitting up if I had gotten to leave at lunch time like I was promised. But in the midst of me texting my mom to tell her to come rescue me, my boss/dad was calling her telling her that I needed to stay until he was ready to come home at 5.

He called me a baby for not having the work ethic to stick it out the whole day, but I really just didn't have the stamina. And, anyway, if I was doing a job that I actually liked it would have been a different story.

By the time I woke up, I only had like two hours left, so I watched a few more episodes of Gilmore Girls on my laptop and then it was over. --Sigh--that was a good feeling.

But I really did learn a lot about my dad that day and I'm glad that I went. He's extremely ambitious and an excellent leader. He's figured out how to get people to do what he wants them to do because they want to do it. When I was a cheerleading captain that was the one thing I couldn't really quite grasp I don't think. I and a few girls on the team were always really passionate and I think my teammates saw that and wanted to do well for the ones that really cared about it, but the one thing I regret is that I don't think I got everyone to want it for themselves.

Maybe I should have given them more stuff. I don't know if it is the stuff, the celebration parties, Tony the Tiger t-shirts etc....but I know that, I think that--I hope that, those people love him up there.

That's what it seemed like. I don't think they would put on a nice face just for me. He gets stuff done, and they still like him afterward. And they respect him. It was pretty cool.

I think he makes a good boss because he understands everyone's jobs. We've moved enough times, that he's done everyone's jobs once before and that makes for a level of compassion and empathy in his leadership, but also since he's been in most of those positions before he knows how to give good advice and he inspires greatness out of people.

It's cool to have grown up and get to see my dad grow in his career also, he's gone so far from where we were when I was four. I'm a little proud...just a little.

(edit: that first sentence that is a link to the waffle picture is a total accident, and I can't make it go away..sorry.)

Letters from the Lost Journal

2009-05-19T00:15:00.003-04:00

So, after yesterday's post, I started to rummage through the rest of the newly discovered journal and I discovered this little entry that I wrote while on a family road trip...

Radio

We decided to try to utilize the Atlanta radio stations for as long as we had them, no after an hour and a half we're finally starting to get a little static. We heard Love Song by Sara Bareilles twice, No Air by Jordin Sparks and Chirs Brown three times. So...time to put a movie in.

Spiderwick Chronicles--funny and terrifying at the same time. I know I'm not the targeted audience but I'm not ashamed to say it scared the crap out of me at some points.

Ok...moving car...getting dizzy...can't write.

Elbows

I just got done with sitting in the car for 14 hours, for the second time in like 48 hours. I swear it does something to my health, psychie, whatever it was pretty traumatic. Usually I enjoy car rides and road trips...for the most part.

Most people think it's crazy, but I like making the memories, eating the crappy food...it's fun.

But this time, it was the farthest from fun. I had my thirteen year old brother pressed to my right side and every time he moved, his elbow went into my right side. So for 14 hours every time I started to doze off, his elbow would come at me like clock work. I tried not to be whiny I knew "he's touching me!" wouldn't fly coming from a 19 year old. But the boy could not sit still, so the bumping was constant. I'm surprised I didn't end up with a bruise on my side from the repeated elbowing. Alright, enough complaining, I'll just leave the story here in all its awfulness.

lol

Something to Blog About

2009-05-18T00:28:00.004-04:00

Ever since I was younger I have had a love for notebooks. like journals. I can't pin point it, but I think it either came from Harriet the Spy, or my mother.

But still, I never just write in one. Most people have one journal that they fill up and then they move on to the next one.--I write in whatever is closest to me.

So I have a bunch of half empty--or half full...whatever it's still only half--journals hidden in different places in my room.

So today, while I was trying to get my dog out from under my bed, I discovered a journal that I started last year, I think. I was writing down my thoughts so that I could later post a really cool, well thought out, thought provoking blog post. Considering I never remembered to follow through with that, I'm probably better off just blogging off the top of my head. (better for whom, I'm not so sure) But I did find this funny little blurb that I probably should have posted lol.

Something to Blog About

I really need something to blog about, so I'm just going to start writing...

now I'm watching Grey's Anatomy contemplating how I'm going to attack this health kick thing again. I need another angle...

I need some posters for my new room.

20 days until school starts up.

20 days until I'm the new kid...again.

2 days until Breaking Dawn comes out...

things are lookin' up.

yes. my brain really is this random.

3 Willows

2009-05-15T01:00:00.003-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a pretty big fan of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series.

So, of course when the author, Ann Brashares started a new series the first book titled, 3 Willows, I was immediately interested.

But so far, all this book buying experience has taught me is to do my research before I buy.

I spent 8 of my own dollars, so I'm not too worried about wasting the money--there's always selling it on Amazon as a back up plan if I don't like it.

But now, because I did buy it, I feel obligated to read a book about three 8th graders.

I'm about to be a junior in college. (which gets weirder everytime I say it)

So, I think I'm a little out of the demographic.

But who knows, I might love it. This has actually happened to me once before.

I picked up the first Clique novel in Target knowing nothing about it only to find out it was about 7th graders.

I was in 11th grade then...but I ended up really liking it, and then three or four years later ended up cracking up at the movie. So, I am going to give 3 Willows a chance.

Because, at the very least it will make me remember what it was like to be entering high school; make me all nostalgic and stuff.

Or it could backfire and make me really depressed that I'm almost 20, I'm halfway done with college, and have no earthly idea what the heck I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

happy reading.

jillana

Daddy Warbucks and Anti-Prom

2009-05-11T23:31:00.003-04:00

What do the two have to do with each other?---not much. Nothing at all, really...I just didn't feel like doing two separate posts.

Ok so, us kids--there are five in my family-- are not exactly...self motivated.
I'll admit, it's like pulling teeth getting anybody to do anything around here.

While, my parents refuse to pay us to do regular chores--rightfully so... they have agreed to come up with a system to encourage us to do extra things--because a clean home makes for a happy daddy.

So, I came up with the point system. 1 pt = 5 dollars, and only the extra extra chores are worth any points; like washing the car (worth 1/2 of a point), mowing the lawn (4 points--we're still debating on why...I don't see what is so hard about pushing a lawn mower--it's practically like vacuuming.)

So yeah, we'll see how that goes. I'm making a chart for us to hang in the kitchen because I'm motivated by gold stars alone.

My dad wants to call them "Dad bucks" because every new operation needs a cutesy name. It's the plant director in him. --so, in return, I'm going to call him 'Daddy Warbucks' like in Annie. :)

Now for the anti-prom portion of our program...

My younger sister decided not to go to prom this year, not a big deal, I never went to any of mine, so she threw a party for her and a friend and they called it the "Anti-Prom." Of course, I documented the occasion by putting together a little piece for Youtube.

--ugh. i can't get it to embed. lo siento. do you mind clicking the link? It's worth it, I promise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBXZfW5kGaA

"If I Stay"

2009-05-08T04:28:00.002-04:00

I was planning on doing this Twilightguy style and blog as I read this book. I wanted to share the experience with the world. As I went along.

But I finished it in one day.

Which is a good thing, cause my review is pretty much done. If you knew me, you would automatically know my opinion of the book by that one fact.

Reading a book in one day is saying a lot about the book for me. Because when it comes to leisure reading, a book has to really be interesting to hold my attention for a long period of time. Like neglecting responsibility kind of hold on my attention.

If I stay is a kind of book that you can’t write a review for without giving EVERYTHING away. Yet another reason why books are different from movies. Movie trailers can tell you a lot about what the movie is about because they can still dazzle you with special effects. With books you have to be careful with what you reveal because it could ruin the experience for someone.

So I can’t say anymore about If I Stay. Besides that you should read it.

One Year Later

2009-05-04T00:36:00.002-04:00

I wrote a blog last year about pretty people. I asked a question about why they have so much power for something they cannot control.

You can read it here if you want....come back though....

This blog post has nothing to do with that one except to illustrate how much I have changed in one year.

Back then I tried to use big words like “adhere” and “wield”. (ok, so the words aren’t that big…but it takes effort to write like that off the cuff.)

Maybe I was a better writer back then.

Maybe I just care less now…

Maybe “Twilight” really did melt my brain.

Those are the only things I can think of to explain why I don’t write like that anymore.

I guess it’s not a bad thing, maybe I’m more real now.

Now that I’m not trying to impress people as much.

But maybe I can get a little of the old Jillana back.

The one who wanted to sound smart sometimes.

The one who put effort into the things that she did just for the sake of accomplishment.

Lame and After-the-fact

2009-05-03T23:47:00.002-04:00

Ever since I’ve been at college I’ve promised myself that I wouldn’t step foot in a club. Now, this was a personal decision. I never implied that people who go to clubs are also on the express train to hell, I just know that, that’s not where God wants me to be on a Friday night.

I never liked being in that kind of setting, even in high school. I avoided school dances like they were the plague. I don’t know what it was…I just knew it wasn’t my scene.

I even made sure by going to one dance because obviously as soon as I told people I didn’t like dances I got a million, “well, how do you know if you’ve never been to ones?” So I did. I went to Homecoming my senior year, just to make sure all of my hunches I had about dances were justifiable. They were. Totally were. I was miserable.

So, I got that one excruciating experience out of my system and now I can be 100% sure that it’s not my scene.

But anyway, my high school friends knew this about me so they eventually stopped asking.—No, that’s a lie, a billion people bugged me about prom too…but that’s another story for another time.

My new college friends obviously didn’t know this about me, or at least I didn’t think they did. I didn’t tell them…

But somehow they knew because they would never include me in their plans until like after the fact. I didn’t mind or anything, I don’t have a problem with being “that girl” the girl who you can tell is a “good girl” just by lookin at her.

It’s better than being labeled as the opposite at first sight.

The only thing I don’t like about it is that people assume that just because I might be ‘the good girl’—their words, not mine—that I’m not fun, or that I’m super judgmental.

So that bothers me.

But being Lame and after the fact is kind of cool, I think I’ll start a club.

FINALS ARE DONE

2009-05-01T23:01:00.003-04:00

Hey Peoples...

So lately, I've been feeling pretty guilty..well, I don't think guilty is the word...

Idk, I just felt kind of weird for having a blog...but not doing anything with it I guess.

So my summer vacation resolution is to blog more.

I have all of these half way finished blogs saved onto my computer. I was so close to greatness so many times and yet...I didn't take the extra step to posting.

Lo siento. (that's I'm sorry in Spanish)

So yeah, I'll be updating more. But I've already said that....so.

So, to make this post different. I'll post a video. :)

This is a video I made of my brother...heh. that's all the intro I wanna give this one.

LALI Blogs more than me...

2009-04-28T23:53:00.001-04:00

and I'm jealous.

but I have finals out the wa-zoo. and I don't even know where the wa-zoo is.

so....I'm not studying like a mad women for a second to tell anyone who cares, that I'll be back.

It's kind of sad that I don't know if anyone cares.

So I feel like I'm talking to myself.

If anyone reads my blog--reveal yourself!!

please??

( in a comment preferably, I don't want visitors...I gotta study...or at least that's the nicer reason why I don't want random people showing up at my place.)

seriously, this summer....Just Jillana will be back in business.

with loads of pointless junk to say.

and some not so pointless.

that was one of my new years resolutions--to try and write stuff that was not so pointless.

I'm not doin such a hot job with that one so far.

and it's almost May.

oh well.

until I get back...read Lali's blog.

she has more to say.

peace.

LALI'S BLOG LALI'S BLOG LALI'S BLOG CLICK THIS TO READ LALI'S BLOG

My friend Beth.

2009-04-25T23:26:00.004-04:00

Dear God,

Thank you for my friend Beth, she makes me smile.

I pray that I can be as outgoing and brave as she is.

I pray that I can have an effect on people the way that she does.

Thanks again,

Jillana

Favorite Youtube Video of the Day

2009-04-04T22:11:00.005-04:00

Kiera Cass. Purple Bullet

I LOVE the Twicurls. Check them out at youtube.com/twicurls if you have any interest in Twilight whatsoever.

These girls, are basically amazing, and one of them Kiera Cass, is my fellow writer hero. She's self publishing a book.

I didn't even know you could do that.

Which is probably not something I should admit on the internet.

Anyway, she has her own youtube channel as well youtube.com/kieracass both channels are full of AWESOMENESS.

peace. Jillana

One Vision

2009-03-06T16:06:00.005-05:00

My face was burning hot, I felt as if I had a 100 degree fever. My stomach was in my throat. I'd never felt this kind of nervousness. We'd worked our whole season for these next few minutes. If I screwed up, I would have seventeen girls to answer to, the majority of them being seniors who this day was their last chance. One Vision. We'd all said it many times, but it never had as much meaning as it did now. We were one; one school, one team. All together finally at the third round of the Competitive Cheerleading state championships. We'd made it, just like we'd planned. As trivial as it seems, the outcome of this day would change us all forever. We'd either leave here satisfied, or leave wishing that we'd done more. All I knew was that we were going to leave here with something.

It all started with a goal. It was the middle of the summer and we were all sitting on the dirty floor of our quaint little cabin we'd been calling home for the past few days. Cheerleading camp was in full swing, and each team there talked about their aspirations for the season. "Jones," my newly married, tough, inspiring, and loveable cheerleading coach asked us all where we wanted to be at the end of the season in March. I'm almost positive that she asked us, but for some reason I don't remember having a choice. It was decided for me that at the end of the season, we wouldn't be state finalists, but we were going to win the whole thing. I was perfectly fine with the goal set for me, partially because I wanted it too, and partially because I was afraid. I got this vibe from the seniors that my goal had to match theirs because they were not going to tolerate being held back by a lowly junior. As camp came to a close, we went back to practice with a fiery purpose in our hearts. We knew we had a lot of work to do, but we were very optimistic that we'd get it done. The sideline season flew by. We hadn't won anything yet to get us to the Delta Plex, but we knew that as a team we'd made the necessary improvements to give us an edge on the competition.

Going into the competitive season tryouts our team goal was starting to become my own. I wanted it for my senior teammates, but I was beginning to want it for myself. I was still afraid of them, and probably still am to this day, but it had a little more meaning to me. I wasn't just sitting back and soaking in everything. I was contributing to the team and our drams. As we inched closer to March our practice environment intensified. We knew that we needed to leave practice each day feeling like we accomplished something that would get us closer to the finish line. We pushed through each weekend picking up many well-earned 1st place finishes. Even after that many wins, we never let up. Even if we thought we could win with our eyes closed, we still gave it everything we had, building our reputation, and proving that we were one of the best.

Some competitions before “play-off” time were really just formal practices. They meant a lot to us when we won, but they still didn’t count towards the final goal. When we did come to the competitions that counted, we all felt the pressure. We fought our way through conference finals sweeping all four meets just as we’d planned. The next weekend was the regional competition. We stormed out way to number one that day too, finally earning our spot amongst the top ten Class B competitive cheerleading teams in the state of Michigan.

The week of practice in between Regional and State was so exciting. All 18 of us were engulfed with thoughts of the coming weekend—it was all we could talk about. No one could concentrate at school, it filled our lunch conversations; the more I heard my senior teammates talk about how they felt in years past at the state finals, the more excited I became about it. I can recall one day during that week, where I really felt like our team goal to win state finally became totally mine. I wanted it so bad—it’s like everything finally clicked. Everything we’d been working for was finally here, and I was finally living everything that before, I’d just heard about.

Throughout the season, we’d formulated quite a bit of a rivalry between two other class B schools. The girls of "Not to be mentioned" High School were a totally different breed of cheerleader than we were. Whenever they stormed into a room, everyone around them felt a mixture of intimidation and intense annoyance. Their demeanor read so arrogant that you couldn’t help but not like them. (I realize now, that our perception of them was probably totally blinded by competitiveness) But it didn’t matter what we thought of them. We didn’t have the space in our brains to hate them. We were trained to concentrate on ourselves and no one else mattered. We had to have the best performance we’ve ever had. On Saturday, we a had to beat ourselves.

When Saturday finally came, we had to get serious. Even though we’d had a lot of fun getting recognized at school for our accomplishments, when our bus pulled into the arena parking lot, we were all business. I’d never been so nervous during a warm up, but it was all too overwhelming. They were good, but we’d proved that we could hang with the best and I was confident that we would be fine. The first glimpse we had of the crowd was when we lined up for the parade. All the teams were lined up on the mat while each team’s cheering section tried to out cheer the other teams’. When the high school singer finished the national anthem, it was finally time.

There I was, huddled with my teammates absorbing the last words of wisdom before we went out onto the mat for the first time. I knew the crowd had to be loud, by the way they were all jumping and waving signs, but I couldn’t hear them. I was so focused; it was like my team and I were all in a plastic soundproof bubble. Our minds were too busy to interact with our ears. I especially, was going over every motion, every jump, every word, every movement that I remembered practicing over a trillion times. I could hear Jones and Angie’s voices in my head. I recalled all the criticism, I knew what I had to go out there and do. Even with all the self-reassurance going on inside my head, I still felt like the minute I stepped on the mat, I would forget it all.

As I performed during that first round, all I could think about was trying to convince the judges with everything I had, that we deserved their attention and high scores. When I wasn’t trying to send telepathic messages to the judges, my eyes were glued to my two coaches soaking in their silent encouragement, which pushed me to go even harder.

I was so thankful when the first round ended perfectly. We left the mat still filled with the same amount of adrenaline that we entered with. We were hungry for more, we were ready for more, the day was still young, and we were riding high.

By the second round we were feeling the pressure. We’d performed like we wanted to, but the other teams had really stepped it up. We knew we had to have a monumental third round to end the day like we hoped. It was our last chance. At the start of the third round I could feel my whole body shake with nervousness.

So there I was, standing at the mat. By now my face had reached at least to the feeling of a 110 degree fever. This was our very last chance. I couldn’t stress that enough to myself. Round three was the longest round, with a maximum of two minutes and thirty seconds, but after we were finished, I really couldn’t remember what I had just did because it went by so fast. The next thing that happened really caught my by surprise; we were all hugging each other trying to hold on to the excitement as long as we could, when suddenly, we all simultaneously started bawling. At first I really didn’t know why I was crying. I’m sure to other people, we seemed crazy, all of us standing in a huddle crying like that. But then the realization that I would never be able to work with this same group of people again, and we would never have this same exact team again, hit me like a ton of bricks. Which, of course, caused me to cry even harder, and mumble random “I’ll miss you’s” to my senior teammates who I now feared, and loved like my own sisters.

It was all over, we could do no more. We didn’t have the chance to go back home and improve more, or anything like that, it was all in the hands of the judges now. Turns out, those hands couldn’t be trusted as much as we thought, to correctly evaluate our performance and we left the arena with a fourth place finish out of ten. Finding out that we didn’t win, filled me with feelings of confusion, hurt, and betrayal by the judges that I thought I could depend on. I thought they picked up on all of the passion that we were screaming in their faces—literally, we said the word “passion” about eight times in that cheer. In my heart at that moment I was sure that we didn’t deserve fourth place. Looking back now, I know that, the whole experience was about much more than winning. I learned so much more that day and that season, about life that I ever thought I could learn from cheerleading. I learned how to really intensely go after what I wanted, holding nothing back and leaving feeling like I couldn’t have done anything different. I take this lesson with me throughout school now; I can now channel the same feeling of intensity and passion that I got from cheerleading into my schoolwork so that I can accomplish something greater. I can still recall all sorts of things that my two coaches would say to us to inspire us to be the best. Jones took a tougher approach telling us that cheerleading wasn’t fun until you started winning. Which to some people may seem harsh, but it definitely worked for us. Hearing her say that made me want to work hard so that I could experience that fun. It pushed me to be diligent, a trait that I can apply to anything.

Angie on the other hand, was more sentimental and always tugged at our heartstrings. She always told us that there was only one degree between boiling water, and just hot water. And she pushed us to think of what we would do to inch ourselves past that one degree. Now I try to strive to be boiling with everything that I do.

"oh right, you're GOD...duh."

2009-02-18T23:56:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to take a second and tell you...and by 'you' I mean my mom and best friends, and anyone else who accidentally reads my blog...any way, enough with my pathetic-ness.

I just wanted to say that Jesus, is really really awesome. And if you don't know Him, I suggest you get to know Him, you couldn't ask for a better best friend.

He just always has my back...even when I don't deserve it--which is like, next to never....probably never-- even when I don't ask.

It's crazy.

I mean, to know that He loves you, despite the fact that he knows all of your crap.
You can't help but love Him back, you can't help but love yourself.

I don't know why it amazes me every time he answers a prayer of mine. I'm like, "oh right, you're GOD...duh."

Then I laugh to myself and people probably think I'm crazy.

Even during a time of crisis. He's got our backs. Even when we cannot FATHOM why something is happening, and it frustrates us cause we want to understand so bad so we can justify it, or feel some peace, we can still know that God understands; He can fathom why, He can justify it, He's got it under control.

That's gotta be somewhat comforting right? To know that SOMEONE is in control when we're not.

"I'll carry you, when you need a friend, you'll find my FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND." Leona Lewis.

I love that song.

SHARING ITUNES= INVASION OF PRIVACY...KINDA

2009-02-11T23:55:00.000-05:00

It feels so invasive...listening to someone else's Itunes. for me, my itunes is like...practically my diary.

Every different facet of my personality is represented in the music that I have. I wonder if my itunes comes up on the shared list for other people in my hall.

That's weird. I should figure out how to turn that off.

I'm not sure I want the people in my dorm to know that I have the Hannah Montana soundtrack in there. It's ok for people who know me to know that...cause they would get it. Other people however, might...not. They might think I secretly wear a Hannah Montana T-shirt under my clothes at all times....Same goes for the High School Musical soundtracks. Dang it.

But it IS an excellent way to discover new music. It's not stealing, you can't keep anything, you can only listen...and only when that person is accessing itunes. It's probably the best thing I've discovered today. Even better than when I discovered that Sun Dried Tomato and Basil sauce tastes good with Caramelized Onion and Roasted Garlic sauce. Much better...

Still missing my ipod,

Jillana

Favorite Song of the Day: The Afters

2009-02-07T20:30:00.000-05:00

Never Going Back To Ok:

WATCH FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS: THIS IS A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE.

2009-02-06T22:43:00.009-05:00

Friday Night Lights is basically the best show ever.

I don't know how else to describe it. What sucks is that, the critics...love it, but it can't find an audience.

My theory is that, the network took the title too seriously and started airing it on Friday nights.

The audience they should be vying for--teenagers, I think--is out on Friday nights. Although, the show can really relate to everyone, from every age group.

Only the losers, i.e....me, are staying in to catch the best show on the face of the planet.

Maybe...they should air it Wednesday nights, I don't know.

But what I love about the show is that it is SOOO real.

It's like a really good sports film, where you cry your eyes out from all of the defeat, then the triumph...but it's like...ONCE A WEEK, it doesn't have to end after two hours!

What could be better, right?!?

Really though, up until recently, when I watched some behind-the-scenes stuff online, I kept having to convince myself that these people weren't real. I mean, I can get into Gossip Girl, I can pretty much believe that Blake Lively IS Serena Van Der Woodsen. But, I still know, that she's Blake, playing Serena.

But, these actors are so good, that for a while I just thought that they found real Texas natives to play the parts of these characters. Little did I know, most of the actors are straight out of Hollywood, and to my shock, their Texan accents...not real.

Another thing that I love love love about the show is that they don't rehearse formally and they don't have marks on the floor. Their scenes aren't choreographed, they have free reign on where they want to move, and most of what they want to say, it's like watching the Real World, but it's way less stupid.

I really don't know how to put into words my love for this show. Unlike any other show I watch, including One Tree Hill-which is another favorite of mine-I connect to these characters the most. If I ever met any of the actors from the show in real life, I would probably feel like they were my best friends...even though that might freak them out.

Anyway, I really don't want this show to disappear, and if people don't start watching it, and if the stinkin' Emmy people don't start acknowledging it...that just might happen :( and then I will be sad. Just like that emoticon.

WATCH FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, FRIDAYS AT 9PM ON NBC

ps. u can watch every single episode online for free on http://www.nbc.com/Friday_Night_Lights/ so wanting to catch up is not an excuse!

Favorite Song of the Day

2009-02-06T19:39:00.004-05:00

Chasing Pavements by Adele

live:

music video:

favorite cover:

I LIVE LIFE AT HIGHER DECIBELS

2009-02-05T19:52:00.003-05:00

Maybe I'm still missing my IPod. I don't know....
but I was bored, so I made this graphic thingy with a phrase that I use a lot when my mom or dad tells me to turn down my music. It actually didn't take that much effort on my part. I found the headphones online. So, no copyright infringement intended. Didya hear that copyright police?

IT AIN'T MINE, AND I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS.

ok. now that that's cleared up.

You Tube Covers

2009-02-05T18:23:00.003-05:00

Have you ever just spent a lot of time sitting on You Tube watching video after video of people singing other people's songs?....Maybe it's just me. It's great fun though.

Here are some of my favorites....

THE MJ AND MITCHIE SHOW THEME SONG!

2009-01-29T00:58:00.001-05:00

ONE OF THOSE FACEBOOK THINGIES

2009-01-27T01:07:00.000-05:00

25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME.

1. I drive myself crazy...a lot.

2. I wish I were Ethiopian so I could use that as a cool fact.

3. I like to write, but often times feel like I'm no good at it.

4. I secretly wish I was a drummer

5. I like music, and often rely on it too much.

6. I wanna go to London...real bad, and I don't even know why...i just do.

7. I think I'm a little OCD

8. I like sports movies, but don't really like watching sports that much.

9. I love God, but sometimes think I'm annoying Him. But He never gets annoyed...which is like a fun fact in itself.

10. I'm a little bit of a loner sometimes, and other times I like to be social.

11. I like to make movies.

12. My favorite TV show right now is Friday Night Lights.

13. I spend too much time watchin TV

14. I kind of have this dream of me bein an actress...but I have no idea if I can actually act.

15. I wish my life were a musical, and I'm totally aware of the corniness of this statement.

16. Sometimes when I'm trying to be funny, I just offend people. And sometimes people laugh, and it surprises me, every time.

17. My 17th birthday was spent at a football game I was cheering for, and the whole student section said 'happy birthday' to me, that was cool, and probably a good memory of high school for me, even though it's kinda lame.

18. I have 2 blogs that I like to plug, even though I get a little insecure every time someone tells me that they've read it.

19. Ooh! I'm 19 right now. Even though u could have seen that on my profile.

20. I really dread turning 20. I'm gonna feel so lost, not being a teenager.

21. I have a confused looking dog, named Toucan Sam...which is probably why he's confused.

22. I wanna be a film critic, a director, singer, sports writer, photographer. Too many things.

23. I feel like a big family is in the future for me. Like, it's kind of inevitable, since I come from one...I couldn't imagine life any other way.

24. Someone asked me if my parents were cool today, and I didn't know how to answer, but now I'm thinkin they're pretty cool.

25. I wish I were friends with America Ferrera.

Lost without my tunes.

2009-01-22T17:35:00.006-05:00

Today, I was unable to listen to music on my way to class.

Unlike my brilliant friend Carly, (click link here-- see Carly's blog ) :) It wasn't my choice not to have my own personal theme song playing in my head.

Because of technical ipod issues, I had to leave "Lani's pod," as it is affectionately referred to on my computer, in my room.

It was like, an hour total of missed music time. The one hour of my day when I can get lost in my own little world, where I don't have to worry about who's lookin at me, or who's noticing what I'm wearing. For some reason, when you can't hear anything around you, the rest melts away too. There's no insecurity in Jillana's ipod land.

I know those things aren't supposed to matter, and believe me, I tried to remind myself of that continuously today. Because today, when I had to participate in everyone else's land, they mattered. They mattered a lot.

Because I was going to be tune-less, I decided to take this opportunity to talk to God on my way to class. I still did not want to accept the option of mentally being a part of the streets of downtown Atlanta, and my fellow students, so I decided to focus my thoughts upward, and talk to my very best friend.

Unfortunately, that didn't last as long as I hoped. My stupid, unfocused, ADD, human mind was too involved in everyone else's world to focus into God's for more than a minute or two at a time.

Even though today was a little bit of a shock, I was definitely having withdraw pains, I'm sure tomorrow will get better. I can use this opportunity to get closer to God, meet a new friend, who knows really?

Soon enough I'll have my security blanket back, and I'll be back to pretending I have my own 'life soundtrack,' and my life really is a musical. ---which would be AWESOME.

It's a Boy!

2009-01-12T23:56:00.003-05:00

Until I was six years old, my family life consisted of dolls, Disney princesses, and lots and lots of pink. Every little girl likes to play with Barbies dolls when they are young, but my sisters and I got so many of them, that every Christmas, our living room looked like Barbie's dream house had thrown up. Our house reeked of femininity, and my two sisters and I, were a trio of the girliest girls in the world.

Our "girl power" lifestyle came to a screeching halt in the two seconds that it took my mom's OBGYN doctor to announce, "it's a boy."

I'll admit, I was a little disappointed to hear that instead of a third sister, I was going to get a brother. I understood that boys were different, but I did not think that adding a male sibling into the mix, our whole family dynamic would soon be turned upside down.

I was pleased to realize that I was no longer the middle child. In the short five years of my life, I had already developed a complex being in the middle of my two sisters. My older sister still received the perks and pitfalls of being the oldest, and my younger sister will always be the "baby girl," but I was free from the Jan Brady-like stigmas of being the middle child.

My brother M.J. received the long awaited "Jr." title. Contrary to the predictions of some who thought that because we had so many girls in the family, he would turn out to be a little feminine and spoiled, he grew to be the most masculine little boy I have ever seen. When he was only one, he picked up a basketball for the first time and in his little baby voice, declared "Baw!" That orange piece of rubber has been permanently attached to his hand ever since.

The first prominent moment when I realized that life as I knew it would never be the same, happened on a summer day in Charlotte, North Carolina.

I had just woken up to find my sister Jannelle, watching the Puzzle Place on PBS. Cheerfully sitting down to join her, because the Puzzle Place was my favorite show, I looked over to find my mother video tapping M.J. crawling around on the carpet.

I wondered what was so fascinating about a baby, and why my mother seemed to have the lens glued to her eye, in an effort to capture his every move. My ability to do five cartwheels in the length of our family room and to belt out my favorite song from Sunday school were far more interesting than his baby noises, so I went over to try and steal some camera time from my small baby brother.

To my surprise, when I reached the corner where my mother was sitting, I was showered with what seemed like water, but it accompanied a farting noise that had escaped from M.J.'s mouth. I could not believe that he just spit on me. None of my sisters would ever think to do something so gross. I was shocked to realize that such a young child could be so corrupted to think that shooting saliva onto my face was anything close to acceptable.

I immediately screeched and ran away form the horrendous little monster that was once my brother and my sister Jannelle did the same. M.J. however, felt as if our running away was a signal for him to continue to chase us around the room, and spit on us.

Soon, Julie awoke form her night's sleep and joined the chase. She should have saved herself from the monster, but being only three, she also felt as if M.J.'s behavior was funny, and some sort of game.

Ever since, our house has never been the same. To make matters worse, we have added another boy child to the dynamic, giving M.J. a partner in crime. Our house seemed to split according to gender, because my dad finally had people to relate to. He no longer enjoyed spending hours in Toys R Us checking out the latest occupation that Barbie had ventured into, and she was soon replaced with Bionicles, Legos, and Power Ranger action figures.

The one day I decide to work out...

2009-01-10T02:38:00.008-05:00

I see Chris and Kyle Massey at our school's fitness center.

In case you were wondering, Kyle Massey plays Cory on That's So Raven, and Cory in the House on the Disney Channel, and Chris plays Michael on Zoe 101 on Nickelodeon.

While no one else in the gym seemed to notice or care that they were sitting there, on the inside, I was totally geeking out.

I mean, these kids are BIG in my family. Our whole house stopped when That's So Raven came on, all of us kids loved watching the new episodes of Zoe 101 together, we would quote their lines for weeks on end, and the funniness would never wear off.

My sisters and I mighthave been a little out of the target audience towards the later seasons, but it didn't matter. Spending that time with our younger brothers helped bridge the age gap between us I think. I mean, I don't know too many 19-year-olds who are as close with their 10-year-old brothers as I am with mine.

I was processing all of this in my head as I was passing by them, trying not to linger, so this was all happening in the course of only like 30 seconds.

As soon as that shock wore off, I sort of came to the realization that they were two normal teenage boys.

They are extremely talented, but it would probably have been totally awkward going up to two strange--even though I FEEL like I totally know them--boys, and like.....well I don't know what I would have done actually, I hadn't gotten that far in my head.

I always wondered what I would do if I ever met someone famous. I guess now I know that I would hide behind a wall and call my sister.

The more I thought about the whole situation, the more I wished I had the guts to go and say something because of the importance they had in our family bond. Besides, Mario and Luigi, they are probably the most well liked brothers in our house.

We didn't always eat together every night because of various sports team practices or mommy's favorite, "free nights," which basically meant we were on our own, but we DID watch TV together. And while some may say that families need to get away from the TV and spend "real" time together, that was real time for us. Real, quality time.

So would I thank them? They had no knowledge that they contributed to the closeness of my family.

My friends wanted to work out anyway, so I just went along with them, second guessing my decision the whole time.

My dad said that if HE were there, he would've said something.

As he said this to me on the phone, I realized he probably would have said a lot more than 'hi' and made the situation all the more awkward, so I started to be really grateful that he WASN'T there.

But in the end, I didn't regret not saying anything. I guess geeking out inside my mind was enough for me. My whole family was calling me a 'chicken' for not being their champion and getting an autograph or a picture. But, in my defense...I was going to the fitness center with the notion that I was going to work out, and not to scope out celebrities, so I didn't have anything for them to sign, or my camera on me. :)

The Road Warriors

2009-01-07T20:30:00.006-05:00

I was sitting in the back of our eight-year-old, purple Plymouth Voyager, pulled over on the side of the highway in downtown Charlotte, North Carolina. It was two o'clock in the morning and we were rocking back and forth as cars, vans, trucks and semis whizzed past at 80 miles per hour.

I was packed in the seven seat minivan, accompanied by my rather large family of seven who fit perfectly into our family car. Dad was driving; Mom was in the passenger seat. Behind her was my older sister Jannelle, listening to her Ipod loud enough for the whole car to hear. I was behind my dad enduring the multiple kicks to the butt from my brother whose legs were still short enough to get a good swing before slamming his sketcher into my seat. Also in the back was my younger brother Mitchell whining form being squished, and my younger sister Julie whining about how Mitchell's whining was getting on her nerves.

Besides riding for 20 hours (aka forever), listening to endless arguing and countless "are we there yets?" in a mini van full of Game Boys, CD Players, food, blankets, pillows, and the six people I am forced to claim, family trips don't really bother me.

My father, whom I call "The Road Warrior," because he is very adept at driving miles without resting, had the brilliant idea to take the risk of driving the "purple van" all the way to Warner Robins, Georgia. The van already had 100,000 miles on it, be he figured we would be fine; he recently had almost everything fixed on that van. Everything but the water pump.

He is always willing to literally go the extra mile to get to our destination. My dad will not stop for food even when we are starving, and he will make us hold our pee until we feel as if our bladders are going to burst.

Before we left our house for this particular trip, my dad presented his usual speech and the departure conversation between he and my mom was the same.

"No liquids!" He said before we even pull out of the driveway, "I'm not stoppin' every five minutes!"

My mom, the voice of reason said, "Michael, they're gonna dehydrate!"

Then he gave us a lighter sentence and told us to try not to drink anything.

We had made it all the way to Kentucky when my parents realized that something was wrong with the car. Of course I was oblivious to anything that was going on, we kids had fallen asleep hours ago. My parents made the conscience decision to make it to Charlotte, because my dad knew of a place we could stop for the night.

Well, we made it to Charlotte, our goal was accomplished. But when my overambitious dad decided that we should try and make it to the other side of Charlotte, the suburbs, where we used to live, is where we ran into trouble.

That is how we ended up pulled over on the side of the highway in the middle of the night. We were riding down the familiar streets of downtown Charlotte when, after a huge popping noise; my dad quickly pulled us over to "safety."

We probably pulled over at the worst spot on the interstate. He had to so quickly, that we ended up kind of right next to the exit. Cars were whizzing by so close, that if I had put my hand out of the window, I would have come back with a nub.

I woke up confused and wondered why my dad had just pulled over so quickly. When I realized that we were stuck, I suprisingly didn't spring into a fit a fear and fury but I stayed calm. I was scared on the inside, but it didn't show. I knew God was in control, and my dad would figure something out.

We sat on the side of the highway for hours as my dad called every car rental place at the Charlotte airport. As he discovered, no one in their right mind would bring us a rental car at two in the morning.

Hertz, after putting us on hold forever, told us that there was no way they could bring us a car. We called Avis and no luck there either. Finally, we called Enterprise because their slogan is "We'll pick you up." Turns out what they really meant, is "We'll pick you up any time except for 2 o'clock in the morning." Instead, the nice lady working the night shift, called the police to come pick us up. Close enough.

It was our first attempt to go back to Georgia since we'd moved, and this is what happens.

When the police finally showed, he immediately realized that he should have called for back up. How was he going to fit six people in his little patrol car?

Realizing his dilemma, I laughed at what the policeman must have been thinking.

Six of us piled into the North Carolina state patrol car, while my dad stayed with the van and waited for the tow truck. Mom and Mitchie sat in the front seat next of our nameless hero, Jannelle sat in the back with M.J. on her lap and Julie and I squeezed in close proximity. I could see the excitement in my brother's faces as the policeman turned on his siren and sped down the street in pursuit of a hotel for us to stay the night.

Noticing their excitement, my mom said, "This better be the last time you two are in a police car." We all laughed and M.J. enlightened us on he deja vu experience. The last time my dad broke down in Charlotte because of his ambitious nature, he and M.J. also had to be picked up by the police, atleast they got some donuts out of it, but that's a whole 'nother story.

We found our place to set up camp, but our adventure wasn't over. Someone was really trying to test my patience that day, because first we waited on the side of the road, and now we were waiting in the hotel lobby watching the news as the hotel clerk tried to get us a room.

"Well we're really not supposed to have seven people in one of these rooms," the clerk said. My mom tried to persuade him to let us have a room for just one night, and he contemplated whether or not to be a Good Samaritan and risk his job.

It was times like these when I wondered why my parents didn't stop having kids after me. With this many kids, we were always squeezing into things. First, we had to squeeze into the police car, now we were squeezing into a one bedroom hotel "suite."

After spending the night curled up on the pull out couch with my brothers and sister, with no blanket, I was looking forward to spending the day in the van; at least there I had my own seat. Dad and Jannelle went to pick the car up from the mechanic, while the rest of us stayed to eat our complimentary stale hotel bagels and yogurt.

Soon enough we were back in our purple prized possession. Little did we know, this trip to Georgia would be the old van's last, and soon she would be replaced by a newer, shinier one complete witha DVD and six disc changer.

We packed all of our things, and prepared to forge ahead on our journey to Georgia. The rest of the trip was uneventful compared to that night, and we immediately went back to our normal ways like we'd been through nothing.

After the events of the night before, we could all call ourselves Road Warriors. We had endured things that made regular family trips seem boring.

Now when we take family trips, we have more space and we watch DVDs the whole way there. Even though we are more comfortable, and in a brand new van, I often find myself missing our old van and how our trips used to be. Uncomfortable, annoying, long, but full of memories. Even though I don't wish for us to break down again, I will always remember the night that the Jones family bond was tested, and our adventure when the Road Warriors hit a speed bump.

Christmas Break!!!!

2008-12-11T13:57:00.002-05:00

So I'm totally relieved to be done for Christmas break!

My finals weren't even really that hard, I was just so totally ready to be done with this semester. But, on the other hand, my college career seems to be speeding by. Soon, I'll be starting my second semester of my sophomore year, and when that's over, I'll be HALFWAY done. crazy.

I feel like I just started high school. boy do I still remember that day. But now, I'm 19...I'm almost not a teenager anymore and that's trippin me out.

But...back to me being happy about this semester being over! I can totally tell when I'm spent in my classes when I dread going to EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. It's not like in the beginning of the semester I'm thrilled to get up early every morning to sit in those uncomfortable desks....but this semester some of my classes were actually really interesting because they actually had something to do with my major! I finally felt like I was in college and not just some extension of high school.

So, I knew that I was getting the Christmas Break itch, when I was looking at my cell phone clock every minute in even those classes.

As much as I love Christmas, and love being home...I am totally excited for next semester. my classes are going to be bomb. Esp since I'm starting my minor in FILM. I'm not even sure what that is going to mean to me yet, but...I'm pumped.

The Appeal of High School Musical...aka, why it's ok to be in college and still like the series.

2008-11-02T22:01:00.008-05:00

High school Musical, was kind of a shot-in-the-dark success for Disney Channel. No one could predict that a made for tv movie could almost single handedly make musicals popular again. I think people assume that the target audience is the tween set and younger, but when they do those surveys, no one counts the over 16 kid who watches them "because of their younger brother or sister." I guess I can see why it would be embarassing to admit that you counted down the days until High School Musical 2, or that you own the soundtrack, and listen to it in your Ipod while you go to sleep at night. ha ha.

But I really feel like for the older fans, the appeal is a lot different than it is for the younger crowd. So it really shouldn't be that embarassing to be a fan. The cast is all over 18, so it's not the same as being a Hannah Montana super-fan. Kids my age can look up to the cast of High school Musical.

For the younger kids, I think the movie is fun, it's colorful, they have cool songs, and Zac Efron's character, Troy, is the ultimate singin basketball player role model a kid could ask for.

For me, the franchise brought my favorite things all in one movie; singing, dancing, and well I was gonna say acting, but i'm not an actress...but I like movies so i guess the third thing would just be that.

Yes, I know they are EXTREMELY corny...but isn't that the point? No one ever said,

"Hey, please take this movie very seriously, we are trying to convey the deep, emotional, angsty issues of High School."

It's fluff, and it's supposed to be fluff--candy for the brain. It's like the high school experience we all wish we could have had.

Sometimes you need an escape like HSM so you can fantasize about how much easier high school would be if our only issue was whether or not to sing in the winter musical. High schoolers get enough of real life high school on a daily basis, so why is it such a foreign concept to want to live in a dream world for an hour and a half.

In my opinion, the third one is the best one, by a long shot. So Disney, don't make a fourth one without the original cast, just leave it the way it is--leave on a good note, don't wait until HSM 6 to realize that no one cares anymore. They graduated, it's over, put it in the vault. Let HSM be a giant happy mark in Disney history, instead of a stretched out, milkin it for what it's worth franchise.

I really don't think that HSM would have been so popular if it wasn't for that cast. If it were anyone else, I have a hard time believing that it would be what it is today.

The fact that they were all relatively unknown before HSM, and viewers got to watch them catupult into fame helped fans feel like they took the journey with them. Off-screen the fact that they are so normal, level headed and best friends, makes viewers want to know more about them not just the movie, which only boosts the movie's popularity.

I know a lot of the appeal for me, had a little to do with jealousy. Everytime I would watch some behind-the-scenes footage I would wish that I could have been apart of that, even if I was just a back-up dancer. They made it look like so much fun, it made their chemistry on-screen so much more real.

I don't like telling people I like HSM only because people think I need to grow up. They assume that I'm naive. Even my dad thinks it's weird that I like HSM so much, he thinks I'm immature.

But what is the definition of maturity? Ruining your life by getting pregnant, or blacking out from a night of heavy drinking and partying? I'd rather live in HSM land. In the real world, I stand alone most of the time, because I don't want to drink and do drugs, and have sex before I'm married. I'd probably fit in better at East High.

The real kids of HSM are probably a lot less perfect and a lot more "real" than their characters, but they still stand above their peers in Hollywood. I don't know where they stand on the issues that I feel strong about, but I do know that there aren't pictures of them in the tabloids falling out of a club in the middle of the night.

And the whole Vanessa Hudgens naked pictures thing, I look up to her so much more now because of how she handled it. I've heard people criticize her for apologizing, suggesting that she shouldn't be apologetic and cater to her fans, but I think that was her smartest move. She isn't Gabriella Montez, she's made mistakes, but who hasn't. In God's eyes, sin is sin, so I can't label her as less of a role model because she made a mistake.

So anyway, on a less deep note, I really wanted to try and capture what HSM means to me without sounding like a crazy obsessed 10 yr old...I hope I got my point across. ha ha

Basically, what I wanted to say is that there is really no reason for people my age, 18-19 yr olds, to be embarassed to admit that they enjoy something so wholesome. It's about time.

The College experience pt 4

2008-10-16T18:30:00.003-04:00

During my online pursuit of the opinions of people all over the world on what they think the college experience is, I stumbled upon an anonymous blog dedicated to the college experience. It is written by a now former student from the University of Montana. After recently graduating, he blogged about how the aspirations that an incoming freshman has can quickly dim by the time they are actually ready to graduate. The blogger periodically visits the website of his alma mater to see what is new on the journalism page. The first thing that he says is, "it usually depresses me." Instead of looking back fondly at the school he just left, it brings him regret. "I look back and I am sad because I didn't even try. I went into that school with high hopes and big dreams and I graduated feeling like I had made a huge mistake," he writes. He actually doesn't regret his choice to major in journalism, but letting the competitiveness in his major program get the best of him. "My mistake was that I stopped believing in myself and started listening to people that didn't have a clue about who I was or who I could be."

Some people would argue that the blogger made another mistake by not joining a fraternity to make friends with alumni brothers to ensure job security after graduation. It is a popular opinion amongst college students that the Greek system is the way to go to get the full college experience. I lost count of the amount of times I was told to "join a sorority to makes friends" during freshman orientation. The fact that there are a total of twenty one fraternities and sororities on Georgia State's campus is a testament to the traditional importance of Greek Life in college. That theory also seems to be reinforced in any mainstream media that has to do with college. The ABC family network has a whole drama dedicated to Greek Life on a college campus. The show, appropriately titled "Greek," actually features a variety of college students but what they all have in common is that they are either in a sorority or fraternity. Well, everyone except the stereotypical uber Christian who is against the whole institution.

To be continued...i have to go do other stuff...this paper is too dang long to sit and re type :(

The College Experience parte tres

2008-10-15T12:30:00.002-04:00

So far at my first year at Georgia State University, I have given them six thousand three hundred and eighteen dollars. Well when I say I, I guess I should say my parents. I am one of the fortunate ones who have the financial support of their parents, and very little loans. Because of my good fortune, most students are paying for school out of their own pockets. One of my friends on Facebook, and real life, Allison Billmaier, (interests: music, cheerleading, boys) is a freshman at Kalamazoo Valley Community College, in Kalamazoo Michigan. She is actually paying for all of her college expenses, and she feels like there is a difference in work ethic between students who fall into these two categories.

"Kids who have to pay for there college themselves try better to make sure things get done and make sure they make every class, otherwise it's their money they're wasting," she said, "but kids whose parents pay just are like 'ehh whatever'. I mean most probably aren't like that but there is a few out there."

She is right about that. Most of us spoiled kids actually care about our grades. But there are probably a good percentage of us who are in college just because it was the natural step after high school, no more important that being promoted to middle school after fifth grade. But it is probably safe to say that whether we pay for school ourselves, or have parents who fund our education, half the reason we go to school is to come out with a fancy degree so that we can have our pick of jobs. If only it were that easy.

To be continued again....

The College Experience pt 2

2008-10-14T19:43:00.003-04:00

(This is the first two pages of my first draft, see previous post titled "college experience")

Sitting in the coffee house located in the school library, I begin to realize how heterogeneous the college community actually is. Towards the end of high school, when "senior-itis" starts to kick in, the typical high school senior starts to fantasize about what college will be like for them. Having little to no personal experience with the college environment, these dreamers have the images of other people to rely on. These images often come from the media, older brothers, or hyped up comedies that portray the wild side of college on the big screen. But in the coffee house, I can mentally take myself out of the environment to observe what the college experience actually is. Or the many things it actually is.

The one thing most college students have in common is coffee. If they didnt have one before, college students are likely to adapt an addiction to coffee once they live through their first all-nighter. So the coffee house is an ideal place to see every kind of college student.

Over in the corner, sipping something sophisticated like a caramel macchiato, sits a studious looking college student. While her perfectly manicured fingers fly across her keyboard, I imagine that she is writing a witty essay about how she became a fashionista and the upkeep it takes to keep herself fashion forward. Or she's on Facebook. Her laptop was turned away from me so I couldn't tell. But she very well could have been doing both--college students are known to multi-task.

Because Facebook is so essential to college life, we have to be connected at all hours of the day. It tells us everything we could possibly want to know about our fellow classmates from their favorite movies, to their views on politics. It's a borderline stalker site.

Facebook mobile allows us to be alerted when someone writes on our wall, or changes their relationship status (Ashley and Chris just ended their relationship--what?!?). When we get a chance to actually sit at a computer, Facebook is always an open window that can be accessed easily. That comes in handy when our attention span starts to go and we need a brain break from whatever school work we were attacking at the moment.

Then there are the kids at the coffee house who need a more long term brain break, and they utilize the nice comfy chairs and couches to squeeze in a good nap. Those kids are located right next to the politically informed, worldly students who park in front of the flat screen to catch up with CNN which is almost always on. Then, sitting at the raised tables in the stool chairs are the students who come to Saxby's to socialize. The use their "outside voices" inside, and I wonder how they made it out of the fifth grade without that skill, and it isn't long before the whole coffee house is in their conversation.

Sitting adjacent to them are the kids who are working hard on their school work, headphones in, to drown out the stool kids. Periodically, I might see one of them put their head down on the table submitting to the work in front of them--sometimes the stress of college calls for a "Heads Up Seven Up" moment. And then there's me. I'm sure I'm not alone in my category, I come to the coffee house mostly to buy time between my two classes. I sit and listen to music, pretending to be working on something, but mostly I watch people. I rarely buy anything which is the product of another side-effect of being in college--"broke-itis"

To Be Continued...

The college Experience

2008-10-14T18:48:00.003-04:00

Today, we were doing peer revisions for our second essay assignment in my Honors English class. My essay in an investigative piece on what the college experience is. I started out kind of trying to prove that the college experience is different for everyone, despite the fact that we have a general understanding about what the "college experience" is.

Yeah...it made more sense in my head.

So after I crank out 7 pages, of the 6 page limit, and get my peer revisions back from my group, it's pretty evident that my paper, is just a bunch of stories and doesn't really make sense.

Then, my teacher tells me that I should create a thesis, "dig deeper" and basically start over.

Cool. I still have a week. I've been known to produce a 500 page article for my school paper, in a single class period.

Then she said I should keep my original draft for later use because it sounds like something from a magazine. :)

So I guess I just have trouble suppressing my future, "feature writing for Elle magazine" self long enough to channel my Soledad investigative self.

So, I'm not completely starting over....just "re-working" and cutting stuff out....a lot of stuff.

So I should get to work...but I think I'm going to post my original draft as a blog!

Will you read it if I do??? ( and when I say you I guess what I really mean, is my mom, lals, beth, and a few extended family members...I'm still workin on my readership.)

Peace Easy

Remembering the Titans

2008-10-12T00:01:00.005-04:00

Tonight I watched one of my all time favorite movies "Remember the Titans" with my two little brothers.

When the movie came out, they were both too young to be interested, so now, 7 years after it's original release, a movie that I practically have memorized, is brand new to them.

That's why it's so cool to watch it with them, especially my youngest brother who this was his first time seeing it.

Remember the Titans, if anyone hasn't seen it, is a movie about a football team in Alexandria, Virginia in the year 1971. The school was recently integrated, and T.C. Williams high school has the only integrated football team in their district.

Because they have race to worry about, their team becomes specially unique in more ways than one.

It was fun to sit and point out things to my two little brothers, and they probably were annoyed with all the times I said, "Didya catch that?"

So, anyway it's a good movie, and it was a good night. I LOVE a good sports movie, not necessarily because I love sports, but because of the stories and themes that come with a good sports story. One of my most amazing experiences was being on a team.

Most of the time, a team of people, are people who don't choose to be together, so naturally problems arise. How they get through those problems and come together to win is what makes the story good.

So yeah, everyone go and watch a good sports movie, it'll make u feel good. :)

Is it bad?

2008-10-11T14:17:00.003-04:00

Is it bad that I get goosebumps from watching a movie trailer?
I'ts probably not the most natural thing in the world that I enjoy living in fictional worlds better than my own sometimes.

I've been learning a lot about the early age of movies, and mass media in some of my college classes, and it was like sitting in a psychiatrist's office and finally figuring out what was wrong with me.

The whole "withdrawal" and "diversion" aspects of mass media, especially movies is the whole reason why I love to watch them.

I get a little more than annoyed when there is someone in the theatre who just won't stop talking--it's even worse when they're sitting right next to me or apart of my family--because it just ruins the whole illusion.

So, to give my blog a little more purpose for now...I mean, I do enjoy the randomness of it and it will probably be really hard for me to keep it focused, I wan't to start writing reviews.

Maybe that will get me more readers! Imagine if people came here to get my opinion of the latest books and movies.

That would be awesome.

time to blog about the issues

2008-10-11T00:55:00.003-04:00

This past thursday, my journalism class sat in on a lecture by Mona Eltahawy-- "an award-winning syndicated columnist and an international public speaker on Arab and Muslim issues." (www.monaeltahawy.com)

Her lecture was titled "Myspace, Herspace: Women and Alternative Media in the Middle East."

It was so interesting to hear all of the things that women AREN'T allowed to take part in. Especially in Saudi Arabia.

The stuff that Mona was bringing up sounded like issues that women might have gone through in the first half of the 20th century. Not in 2008.

Things like not being able to drive, not being able to participate in sports, to being in danger for being arrested for blogging.

The first two were bans specific for women, which was shocking in itself, but women and men are in danger of prosecution from the government by simply doing what I'm doing right now.

So, it hit me that my blog... doesn't have a whole lot of substance. I mean, it's fun, it started as just my outlet...like a more public journal.

But, the fact that girls just like me can't even have a public place to vent about what they're struggling with, and thinking about, made me feel like I shouldn't take for granted an opportunity to speak out.

share time

2008-10-09T04:16:00.004-04:00

So, i just felt like sharing my random thoughts at 4:17 in the morning...I feel like I've done this before... it's cause I have. click "it's cause I have"

But that's beside the point. It's really late....or early...I dont really know.

I'm pullin an all nighter, finishing a rough draft for English.

I can hardly type because I'm so tired despite the fact that I had like........... a lot of coffee today.

But hey, it helped my asthma problem.

"My heart is damaged" according to Danity Kane....it feels ok to me.

I'm really tired....

What is the college experience anyway???

I'm sure this is apart of it.... Nobody sleeps in college, it's like against the rules or something.

Did you know Nick Jonas has diabetes? crazy right? he's like 12....or 15. same thing.

he's really not that much younger than me, so I shouldn't be hatin.

"A little bit longer".....cool song.

This is really coming straight from my brain to the keyboard....i felt like i should record how incoherent and random my thoughts were at 4:24 in the morning, so when I'm a little more sane I can laugh....

but it's really not funny right now.

Whoa....my brain literally cut off there for about thirty seconds....but u won't be able to tell that reading this....how do you know I didnt just make that up?

I didnt.

I'm not that savvy in the middle of the night.

I passed slap happy a long time ago...otherwise, I probly would be peeing in my pants right now over something that is not that funny.

Demi Lovato can sing REALLY well.

I think I'm going to do this until 4:30.

The only reason I'm still going is to keep me from passing out onto my keyboard.

My paper wasn't keeping me up....but i'm not done with it yet.

My class doesn't start till 11 I have time.

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

I think I just fell asleep with my eyes open just then.

4:28

"Get Back" Demi Lovato....check it out.

I hope that I would recommend this song when I'm more....here. otherwise, dont make fun of my song choice.

but i really like her, so I think I like this song in the daylight hours too.

4:29

it took me a really long time to find the 9 just then.

my hands started to shake from typing....

George Lopez is funny.

4:30

Good Night.

Part of That World

2008-09-23T18:20:00.003-04:00

This is a conversation me and my bff lals had today on yahoo messenger i thought it was blog worthy

jillana: ok so on sunday i was going to go to this church with danielle...

jillana: and i was kinda nervous about it cause i would have to ride the shuttle alone...but i could feel that God really wanted me to go

Melissa: mhm

Melissa: um, are you continuing? cuz i wanna know

jillana: oh sorry, yeah

jillana: ok so i was like "ok God, I'll go if u send me someone to go with, like a cushion, to do the whole shuttle thing with"

jillana: bad idea, you dont really negotiate with God..

Melissa: lol

jillana: so anyway, I was like really not wanting to go alone, so finally I asked my roomate to go, and turns out she had heard of it, had a flyer and everything, and was willing to go with me

jillana: so i thought God had heard my proposition and was sending me my cushion

jillana: BUT

jillana: there's a big but

Melissa: yeah?

jillana: Stephony (my roomate) didnt know if she wanted to go out that night...she was contemplating

jillana: so i was like, ok, let me know, she thought that she might come back in enough time to go to sleep to go to church with me

jillana: so then, i was layin in my bed, it was like 1:00 am and i text stephony to ask her to decide now if she was going to go with me and to not wait for her to get home to decide, cause i wanted to go to sleep

jillana: so she was like "yeah, i dont think i'm gonna go..."

jillana: then i went to sleep, and i didnt turn off my alarm, can't remember if that was a conscience decision or not, but i knew that i didnt want to go without her, so at that point i wasnt really plannin on going

jillana: then, my alarm goes off that morning, and i was faced with the decision to go alone, or go back to sleep.

jillana: i was leanin on sleep...i did stay up late waitin for stephony...stupid.

jillana: but then i felt God telling me to go, but i was still fightin

jillana: so i called my mom, cause i had some strange incorrect feeling, that my mom would be worried about me riding around downtown alone, but she told me that i was a big girl, and to go

Melissa: haha.

jillana: so, then i had no more excuses, and i went against my will...not before embarassing myself by telling Danielle that i was nervous about the shuttle

Melissa: lol

jillana: but she was pretty helpful

jillana: so when I went outside to go wait for the shuttle, and there were other students there, and i sit on a bench....OH WAIT!

jillana: i forgot the most important part of the story...ok so the whole morning, for some reason I was singing "part of that world" or whatever it's called, from The Little Mermaid, and i didnt know why the heck it was stuck in my head

Melissa Hyde: :)

jillana: so i go sit on the bench, and this girl introduces herself and stuff, asks me if it's my first time going, and I say yes

jillana: then i look down.....(climax coming)

jillana: and SHE HAS A LITTLE MERMAID STICKER ON HER BIBLE

Melissa: omg.

jillana: under normal circumstances, i would have been like "huh, little fifth grade, but I like Ariel"

jillana: but i was like freakin out on the inside

jillana: so i kept it to myself, i didnt want to like freak her out and be like "OMG UR MY

CUSHION"

Melissa: haha

jillana: so, we were talkin and she's a journalism major too, she's a sophomore, and it was also another reminder not to judge people by like their appearance, you know how u have like a set idea of what ur potential friends should look like?

jillana: so we didn't really click, I mean we talked a little, but I was open minded, I'm not sure if she liked me a whole lot actually

jillana: but I still had a cushion and the message was on the importance of having friends and stuff and how God didnt design us to be alone, another message i needed to hear, so overall a good day

jillana: THE END

Melissa: cool!!!

jillana: it is isnt it

jillana: i was like, wow...God has my back

jillana: it was pretty amazing

I'm an adult....when did that happen, and how do we make it stop??

2008-09-16T00:06:00.002-04:00

So, today was my 19th birthday...it is officially over. Sad. I feel kinda old. But it was over all a good day. I can officially say "I'm pushin' 20." heh. My last year as a 'teenager' by definition at least. Cause I really don't feel much like a teenager. I've been legally an adult for a year..but now I'm finally feelin it.

The Adventures of Julz 'with a z' and J-Lan

2008-09-12T22:04:00.022-04:00

The two and a half years of my life before my younger sister was born don’t really exist in my mind: I just don’t remember them. I guess they weren’t very eventful. My older sister, Jannelle, can remember some of the year before I was born, probably because her whole world was turned upside down. She went from being the center of my parent’s universe to having to share that universe with a smaller, cuter version of herself.

Being the second child, there was no time where I was the center of anything. So for me, the arrival of my younger sister, Julie, was a welcome one—or at least an indifferent one.

Ever since I learned of her upcoming arrival into the world, I was trying to be a good big sister. I sacrificially gave my mom my security blanket to put up for the baby, because now that I was going to be a big sister I had to grow up and stop relying on it for comfort. Once I realized though, how much of an attention hog babies could

be—especially Julie, she cried ALL THE TIME—like a crackhead to her crack, I was too stressed to go without “Blankie,” and rescinded my offering to let Julie keep it.

Julie and I had a weird relationship the first year or so. We didn’t have much to do with each other. As she got to her toddler years, and started to try and push her way into the love-hate sister relationship Jannelle and I had created during the years prior to her life, she couldn’t fit. So for the few years before my mom had another baby, Julie pretty much did her own thing. Once the boys were born she became a floater, flipping from annoying us, to terrorizing them.

But she really didn’t have any other choice. It’s like we formed our groupings by default. Jannelle and I were close in age so no matter how much we fought, she was my go-to when I wanted to talk or play. MJ has the whole ‘male’ thing in common with Mitchell. So even though they’re three years apart, their relationship resembles the one Jannelle and I had, and they’ll always be an alliance against the estrogen in our house.

That left Julie smack in the middle. To retaliate, Julie formed her own special alliance with our dad. She became the ultimate daddy’s girl. Being that she was the youngest girl, it came easy to her and she played the “baby girl” card every chance she got. It used to bug the crap out of me. Why couldn’t I have that kind of pull? I was cute. I was his daughter too, so what was his deal?

It did come in handy though, whenever we would ask for something and our Dad would say no to one of us, we would just send Julie to ask him.

She was our secret weapon, and we milked it.

If we wanted pizza? One of us would dare to ask him before we would send in “the chosen one,” just in case he was in a good mood. If he said no the first time, we’d retreat back to our camp to finalize our automatic plan B that was sure fire to work.

It wasn’t until the ninth grade that Julie would start to become more than a secret weapon to me.

It all started when Jannelle decided she didn’t want to room with me anymore, betrayed our twisted alliance and made a deal with Julie to switch bedrooms. She deserted our “teen suite” that we had created in the back room of the house, so that she would have a room to herself and I would have to share with the annoying pre-teen Julie had become.

She knew how sharing a room with Julie could be, sleepless nights, endless mindless chatter about how old Big Bird was, and why he’d been six for so long.

In our minds, sharing a room with Julie was like the plague, unwanted, and definitely something to be avoided. Which is why she didn’t even give me a chance to fight with her for the other room. She went to our parents, presented her case, and sense Julie was afraid of sleeping alone anyway, the decision was made.

The first night when Julie moved in, I realized that she’d moved past the point of keeping me up at night with stupid questions about Sesame Street, like she did when she was five. I was expecting the same annoyance, but with a different juvenile subject that I was bound to be too mature to tolerate.

But she surprised me.

She still kept me up with stupid stories. But they were more welcome. They were

about the trials and tribulations about life in middle school. That I could handle. Or at least I wanted to think that I could.

“This girl at school automatically doesn’t like me because her boyfriend has a crush on me,” she’d say.

“Whoa, that’s rough. You should really ignore girls like that, what is she gonna do, hit you?” I’d say, as if I really had the experience to back up my ground breaking advice.

But I would still give her the best advice that I could—being the wise freshman I was. Then, I would revel in my older coolness and dispel any rumors she had heard about horrific seniors. It amazed me that the spinach diapers story had made it all the way down to the 6^th grade.

Without realizing it, I’d gone from her, always-annoyed-with-her, older sister, to mentor, to eventually her friend. She slowly became my ally, when Jannelle went further into her angsty teenage years, and became too cool to relate to me anymore.

I was reluctant to classify her as one of my ‘friends’ in my mind. It’s weird with sisters sometimes. When you describe one of your friends as your ‘sister’ it means that you’re so close, ‘friend’ doesn’t really cover it anymore. But real sister relationships are often not so friendly. And when two sisters get to a point where they can 'love' and 'like' each other, than that's a real accomplishment.

So slowly, Julie was becoming my friend, one of my best friends. We were growing up, and half the time I didn’t even notice that she was three years younger than me. I liked that she’s quick witted and smart—she’s really always been that way, but I guess I’d always been too preoccupied to notice.

We really have the kind of relationship that is so rare, if not impossible between friends that it had to be influenced by genetics.

We’re different enough that we compliment each other, but alike enough to finish each other’s sentences.

Julie is someone that I can have fun with by doing pointless time-fillers, like coming up with impromptu duet routines. We both love to sing, so when there’s nothing else to do, why not a little karaoke?

Julie was born an alto. Her voice has always been an octave lower than mine, even when I was six and she was three.

So naturally, whenever the duet calls for a boy and a girl, I would give her the male part. It wasn’t me being bossy, no, definitely not.

Not like when Jannelle forced me to pretend to be her dog and eat dry Froot Loops out of a bowl on the floor. And I only did that because I was young and naïve and thought that my whole identity rested in being Jannelle’s playmate.

But this was definitely not the same thing. I can’t sing as low as she can, so that’s why I demand the better part. Not mean, practical.

At least that’s what I thought until we nearly got into a fight over who would be Chris Brown and who would be Jordin Sparks when we sing ‘No Air’ in the car when it comes on the radio. We rarely fight and when we do, it’s almost ALWAYS over stupid stuff like this.

“But you always make me be the boy,” she said

“That’s because you can sing lower than me, retard,” I snapped back, half kidding, half not.

I ended up letting her take the role of Jordin, while I, a soprano, suffered through the tenor bars of Chris Brown’s part. It was a sacrifice, but that’s just the kind of good sister that I am. I mean, I didn’t want her to develop some kind of identity complex from having to “be a boy” all the time.

I love the fact that our relationship has so much depth to it. Sister/ Best Friends are the best because you truly can trust the fact that they will always be there for you. At least I can with both of my sisters. I love Jannelle and Julie very dearly. Jannelle and I have had plenty of good times; it wasn’t always “Froot Loops on the floor” with us. But I guess we just never connected on the same level that Julie and I have been able to. Jannelle and I fight all the time, and I think for now, our relationship is stuck in the “just sisters” phase, but who knows? I heard when you get to be in your twenties, sister relationships become easier. We’ll see.

But right now, I’m enjoying my little Sister/ Best friend. Our TV nights when I’m home from school, most of the time are the highlight of my day. We watch a variety of shows, but the best brain candy is reality TV shows.

We sit together, collectively dropping our IQ’s while we watch The Hills,

“Did you hear what Spencer just said, he is such a b-word,” I’d say, “What kind of fool says that they want to make someone ‘un’ their sister…does that even make sense?”

“Prob’ly not,” She’d say.

Scream for joy when our choice for America’s Next Top Model comes out victorious,

“Yeah! We totally called that Saleshia would win, why are we so good at life?”

“I know, right?”

So, it’s fun right now. But just as quickly as we became closer, we could grow apart. But I doubt it.

Either way, we’ll always be sisters, and that’s suppose to mean that we have to love each other. I’ll always have her back, and she’ll always have mine. I mean, in the words of Spencer Pratt, I can’t make her “un” my sister.

From the Eyes of a Freshman

2008-08-27T14:23:00.004-04:00

Freshman year of highschool seems to be an understood dark period of the average high school experience. Some darker than others, but everyone usually agrees that their proudest moments didnt occur in the ninth grade.

I'm no different. I've had my share of bad wardrobe choices, mental breakdowns, and "word vomity" conversations with boys.

But most of those instances were forgotten. Tucked away somewhere, where hopefully they'll stay forgotten, in the minds of my graduating class. But there is one particular moment I can't seem to shake from my memory.....

The final bell had finally rung and I was free from another anxiety ridden day of highschool. I didnt know what the big deal about high school was anyway. I wanted to retreat back to my safe haven of the 8th grade. I was the new kid in town, but it didn't really matter in a school of 2200--now 2202 students including my sister and I.

I did manage to join the cheerleading squad--but that had proved to be wasted energy, I still didnt have any real friends. (Ironically, it was the cheerleaders I was most afraid of. Which is what made this moment particularly embarassing.)

I kept readjusting the piece of plywood in my arms, that was way too big for my five foot one frame, as I made my way to claim my spot on the brick wall to wait for my mom to come save me. I just couldn't seem to get it in a comfortable position. I had yet to figure out what this stupid chunk of a tree had to do with math anyway.

As I contemplated the relevance of freshman Algebra, an unexpected raise in the sidewalk caught my foot and wouldn't let go. I tried to save it, play it off as a trip instead of an all-out fall, but before I knew it, the 3x3 ft square of wood went flying in front of me while the rest of my body slammed into the pavement.

The girls thatI was walking behind, my teammates to be exact, stopped laughing long enough to ask if I was ok. Pure obligation, I'm sure.

Of course I wasnt ok. My ego was severely bruised. But physically, I'd survive. After the cheerleaders dissipated, I gathered my things, and my pride, and continued on to my corner to wait for my mommy. Whom I suddenly needed to see IMMEDIATELY.

When my well adjusted sister finally showed up I was still fighting back tears. When she asked me what was wrong, I merely pointed to the newly discovered rip in my favorite jeans, right in the knee. Always sensitive, Jannelle just laughed like those jerk teammates of mine, which made the tears finally come. She was supposed to be on my side.

I pushed my legs out in front of me and gave in to my emotions and cried for my future high school career that was only bound to get worse.

(This was a true story, but the gloomy foreshadowing is totally empty. I had a GREAT high school experience!)

The Soundtrack of my Life

2008-08-20T23:08:00.005-04:00

This looks so fun, I got the idea from my Bff Lals, who inevitably got it from someone else, so we're all just big 'ol followers, but whatever.

1.Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)

2.Put it on shuffle

3.Press play

4.For every question, type the song that's playing

5.When you go to a new question, press the next button

6.Don't lie just to be cool ...psht. like I would do THAT.

This is the soundtrack of my Life

Opening Credits: "Get UP" Ciara, Step Up soundtrack, (one of my favorite movies, so...appropriate)

Birth: "Different Now" Out of Eden, (kind of a cool metaphor, if you've heard the song.)

Waking Up: "These Four Walls" Miley Cyrus, (I've never really listened to this song, so...nothin cool to say...kind of angsty to wake up to though)

First Day At School: "Everybody Wants Ya" S Club 7 ( heh pretty motivating.)

Falling In Love: "One Step at a Time" Jordin Sparks. (cool)

Fight Song: "Like You" Bow Wow and Ciara. (Really?... Seriously?... I was hoping for something cooler for my FIGHT song...boo. Dang zune...)

Breaking Up: "Each Other" Katharine McPhee (this is a break up song so...score.)

Prom: "Hydrolics" B5...( I dont even know why this is on my zune.)

Life's Okay: "Say it" Britt Nicole ( I like this song...upbeat.)

Mental Breakdown: "Fairy Tales" by Jojo ( every time I hear this song, I have a mental break down so...score again.)

Flashback: "Ordinary People" by John Legend (atleast he sounds good.)

Wedding: "Shortie Like Mine" by Bow Wow and Chris Brown. ( HA HA HA HA HA ...I wish someone would try and sing this at my wedding...I'd shove cake in their nose.)

Birth of Child: "Shawty Get Loose" by Lil Mama, Chris Brown, T Pain. ( heh. that would be funny.)

Final Battle: "Don't Stop Moving", S Club 7 (Appropriate, cause more than likely I would be running in my final battle...or dancing.)

Death Scene: "Lucky", Britney Spears ( ha ha ha ha ha...i hope this is self explanatory, cause I have nothing to say.)

Funeral Song: "The Christmas Song" The Jackson 5 ( someone PLEASE play this at my funeral HA HA HA HA)

End Credits: "Do it to it" Cherish ( overall a successful movie I'd say :) )

Cause we're goin to the promised land!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-20T22:19:00.006-04:00

Ok, so on Monday, I started my first day of my new life at a new college! This school is like a billion times better than my old school in terms of location, racial make up... a lot of things. So naturally, as anyone is when they're about to embark on greatness, I was majorly nervous.

But, fortunately, or unfortunately, dependin on how u look at it, those feelings were quickly stifled once I was put back into the classroom setting, and the realization hit that it was, in fact, still school.

My new school became de-glamorized, any my promised land was no more than the old one but in a city where they actually have their own newspaper and dont just bum off of the college's.

But, after the initial shock wore off, that the fantasy school didnt quite live up, I put things into perspective.

Did I really come here for the thriving academics?...No.

If that were the only factor, I probably would have stayed at my old school, cause I'm pretty sure they are higher up on the academic food chain.

But this school offers SOOO much more than that. Being in an urban, downtown environment, I'm exposed to a lot more things than I would be out in the country.

I wanna be a journalist, well I'm just a hop, skip away from countless newspapers and magazines, waiting for their next intern to victimize.

I'm around a greater variety of people, the endless sea of sorority girls, was getting a little tedious.

But just being in this new environment has given me the chance to learn about myself...for instance...

I've noticed that I can be very introverted in a new situation. I guess that's to be expected, but some people can just walk into a room of strangers and be the life of the party.

--Maybe 'life of the pary' isn't the exact expression I wanted to use, but 'life of the classroom', just doesnt sound the same.

So anyway, usually on the first few days of class I try to sit in the back and observe. The only class that I participate in pretty early on, in English. It's my only honors class, and there aren't a whole lot of people in there. Probably like 15 or 16, Actually no, there are 21. I remember her counting.

So anyway, I don't know what it is, but I feel more comfortable in an English class. Ever since AP Lang senior year when I became accustomed to reading all of my rough drafts in front of the class...talk about being vulnerable.

So, during my time of observing, I've logged some pretty interesting personalities into my brain. I felt like Harriet the Spy, pretty hard core.

But like Harritet, I've learned my lesson about writing that many details about people. Cause no matter what you do, what you write always seems to find it's way to get back to people.

And the people I'm bound to write about wont be like Sport and Janie and forgive me and be my friend again at the end of 90 minutes.

But, who knows, maybe one day when I'm out of college I'll write about my college experiences, in full detail, when I won't be seeing these people everyday. Maybe I'll still change the names...just in case.

Miley CYRUS that's who!!!

2008-07-12T21:32:00.004-04:00

Mmk, just to clarify, I'm not a little teeny bopper runnin around worshipping the ground Miley Cyrus/ Hannah Montana walks on....just throwin that out there.

BUT, It really impresses me at how much that girl has accomplished. I mean, yeah Disney and their tween idol cranking machine, could take credit for the billion dollar empire that they've built around 'Miss Montana' but you have to admit, the show and the concerts and the movie, just would not have been the same if JoJo had accepted that job.

So it reaaaallly bugs me when in an article about the up and coming Disney stars the journalist will end the article, or sprinkle it in there somewhere, "Miley who?" or "Move over Hannah Montana!" I mean really, it could be harmless, they are more than likely just trying to express how talented the new kids really are, BUT if I were Miley reading that might be a little dangerous to my psychie.

It would make me think that I needed to do something to remain the teen queen of disney. I dont know if that is what Miley would be thinking...hopefully she just let's all of those comments roll off of her shoulders but I dont know....it would bug me.

Miracles

2008-06-30T01:52:00.003-04:00

So, I totally called it when I said that God would take care of everything when it came to my lost stuff. Because...you guessed it, somebody found it.

Yeah, a lady who works at the school emailed me a few days ago saying that I need to call her and pick it up, so soon I can be all decked out in my college apparel. I'm so pumped.

What I'm not pumped about is how I can't seem to find a way to get on the 'healthy lifestyle' train. It's like, I just like junk food too much to give it up, and that is a bad bad thing.

It's got me a little depressed and I know from all the reading I do that eating and exercising makes you feel better. and I wont be depressed anymore. Especially with all of the endorphins rushing to my brain.

I want to be Taylor Swift's best friend

2008-06-24T21:43:00.008-04:00

Yesterday, while watching MTV's Once Upon a Prom I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not much of a country music fan, but after the show yesterday I am officially a huge fan of Taylor Swift.

Before the show, all I knew about her was the few bars of 'Our Song' that I couldnt get out of my head. But after watching her on the show I couldnt believe how genuine the girl was. She has a special quality about her that when she's on TV and when you read articles about her, you cant help but wish that you were her best friend.

I mean, it was unreal how she took an endless amounts of pictures with probably every single person in the high school with out an ounce of annoyance on her face....Now, you might just think she's a really good actress. Just playing along with all of the 'little people' because after all, they are the ones who have made her as successful as she is. But seriously, NO ONE is that good at hiding their true feelings, which makes me think that this girl really truly DIDNT mind accomodating all of her fans, she actually seemed to enjoy it a lot.

I was trying to understand it, she really doesnt get to hang out with kids her own age much, and she really very possibly could be that grateful for her fans, but still, I dont think I would be able to keep a smile on my face as random strangers came up and put their arms around me before they ask if they can take a picture with you.

Ahhhhmazing.

So yeah, there was a bunch of other examples for Taylor Swift's genuine graciousness that I cant remember because there were really too many of them. But basically, she's really cool, and it doesnt matter that I can barely stomach half of her album.... I'm a fan.

So....it was one o' them days.

2008-06-24T01:25:00.006-04:00

So today I was set to embark on one of the most boring and tedious events of my entire existence....Freshman Orientation.

"Huh. Why would Jillana, a rising SOPHOMORE need to be at a freshman college orientation today?"

Well, in college, they could care less if you've already been through the hectic experience of freshman year. If your credits havent transferred over yet at the time of orientation registration, you're a freshman...end of story.

So, whatever, it's a new school, I'm transferring, what's a little extra information gonna hurt?

Turns out.....it hurt....it hurt real bad. like, CUT ME DEEP.

It all started out pretty tame, we woke up late...nothin new. But we still got there in time, despite leaving forty minutes past our set departure time... Things were lookin' up.

And that's where the fun stopped....Dont get me wrong, the day had sporatic spurts of enjoyment. The 'Inceptors'--students who ran 'Incept' the orientation program---were pretty funny, but they were also my age, and had the same amount of college experience as I did, so....that was a little weird.

But, despite being there for like ten hours, and having to sit through several sessions of repeated information, and doing a few stupid embarassing freshman 'get to know you' games. I also rubbed the panther's nose...but anyway, Despite that stuff, I guess it really wasnt that bad.

So, after we got all of our questions answered, and I signed up for the best schedule of my college career, complete with one honors course, I was on my way... feelin' pretty good about myself.

To cap of a pretty-semi-ok day, we went to the campus bookstore. I'm always up for shopping so I was pumped. I got a couple of t-shirts, a lanyered and wallet.

Well, then nature called, and I'm starting to think I shouldnt have answered the phone. At first I was gonna hold it until we made the forty minute drive back home, because I was itching to go back and hop in my warm bed for a good 6 oclock pm nap, but I decided since we were passin a bathroom, I might as well...you know, take care of business.

Apparently, I was so tired and exhausted and hungry, that I went in the bathroom with three bags, my purse, my incept bag, and the shopping bag from the bookstore, and came out with two.

Guess which one I left?

So, we get all the way home when I realize that my t-shirt, one that I bought for my dad and my little brother, my brand new Id card (kinda glad I lost that actually, the picture was a little questionable) were all still sitting on the bathroom sink.

Crap.

If it was my money, I don't think I would be as upset as I am about wasting my parents money. Who knows if I'll get that stuff back, and some loser is probably off now swiping my id card at all the vending machines usin up all of the twenty dollars that was on there.

But I'm really trying not to stress about it...Really trying to trust God with everything. but it's hard cause....I want my shirt back.

four in the morning

2008-06-19T04:41:00.001-04:00

Ok, so it's actually 4:41. But Four in the Morning, is a Gwen Stefani song, so I thought that would be a cooler title.

I have no freakin idea why I am up this late....Oh no wait. That's a lie, I do know why.

It probaby has something to do with the fact that ever since the summer started, or ever since college started actually, I've pretty much turned into an owl.

Except now, instead of rolling out of bed at seven in the morning to go to class, then taking a five hour nap as soon as I get back to my dorm room, I get to sleep in as late as I want because....I STILL have no job.

Just when things were starting to look up with the whole interview with the movie theatre, I find myself a week and half later still unemployed.

So I sleep.

Then I stay up till the wee hours of the night, because technically at 4:45 am I've only been up for like thirteen hours, and I had a vanilla coke like three hours ago, so I'm pretty wired.

I think being a night owl is creating hallucinations. I could have sworn, I heard someone walking through the leaves in our back yard. So much so that I went all the way upstairs to find my dad, who then sent me on wild goose chase for his 'big flashlight' just so we could conclude that the noise maker was probably a deer, since by the time he got out the flashlight and shone it into the darkness, the perpetrator was gone.

So now I'm all paranoid waitin for the deer, or Jason or Freddy to appear in the back yard again.

It is now 4:50 am. I think in ten minutes it'll be safe to say that I've pulled an all nighter, my dad will be waking up--again-- to go to work, and it'll be gettin light outside soon.

I looked up the lyrics to the Gwen Stefani song of the same title as this entry, to see if I can pull out a line or two, that I could relate to my experience tonight. But like every other song out there, it's about love. Figures. so I guess I'll have to make up my own song.

Four in the morning: By Jillana Jones

Wakin up at 2:30 pm
I stayed up real late last night
But now I've slept away most of the day
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think,
when I get to thinkin
Cause school is over now

....Alright seriously? What made me think I could sit here and write a song....'specially on NO sleep.

I'm so done.

Selfish Prayers

2008-06-16T19:06:00.000-04:00

I really need to learn how to actually follow through when I tell someone "I'll pray for them."

It's so automatic for me as a Christian, and I think it's true for a lot of Christians, when someone shares something about their life with you to just say, "Well, I'm praying for you."

Am I really?

It's sad that it's so easy to forget about all the promises I make--to people to lift their concerns to God--when my prayers are filled with selfish agendas. I'm not saying I should never tell God my own issues, I should ALWAYS tell God my issues.

But it seems like I'm so caught up in my own frivolous worries I neglect to pray for my friends and family who have loads more to worry about than I do.

Well, I'm still learning, so...pray for me. :)

J

Summer Reading List

2008-06-14T23:03:00.000-04:00

So, this summer I have decided to finally read all of the books from my long mental list of books that I need to read. Most of them, I already have, or someone in my family has, and I have yet to read them.

What would posess a college student to spend the summer reading you may ask?

Truth is, I dont really know either. I guess part of it is boredom, part is because I STILL have no job...but mostly because since we moved to this town the summer after my senior year, I really havent had a chance to make friends who live near by. It's really weird to have like zero friends in the town you live in...so anyway, since I basically have no life, I've taken up pleasure reading.

It's actually been pretty enlightening. I hate to admit this, but I have never really enjoyed reading books unless I had to for school. It's not like I NEVER read a book just 'cause' but it definitely wasnt often.

So, yeah from my new found hobby I have discovered that I really like 'stories.' It fascinates me how a writer can make really complicated stories, that causes the reader to think.

And I also really love movies, so I've decided that along with becoming a world renown journalist, I would love to write screen plays. But I think if I was a screen writer, I would be selfish, and would want to be apart of like the entire process. Like, "I wrote this story! I should be able to cast it, direct it, produce it...." yeah. we'll see. I'm only 18.

If I were Ryan Seacrest.

2008-06-13T16:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, so sometimes I feel the need to share my opinion about a lot of things.... so here goes.

Today.... Pop culture.

So I've come to the conclusion that...

1. I really like writing in extremely short paragraphs, I really dont know why.

2. I could never be a entertainment reporter, you know, like Ryan Seacrest. I dont think I could be all nice, and polite while I tried to pry into someone's life. Seems like somethin of an oxy-moron, and a little devious.

If I were Ryan Seacrest, I would probably have to pick one or the other, like you're either pushy and nosy, or you're nice and you mind your own business.

For instance, I'm watchin TRL, and the first thing I notice when they bring out Chris Brown, is his little 'mohawk' or 'faux-hawk' thing he's got goin on. And, I'm baffled, because...No one seems to notice.

I guess it's really not that important, but I think it definitely deserved atleast a second or two of the interview time. I mean, how many different ways can he be asked what kind of girl he would date, WE ALL KNOW HE'S DATING RIHANNA.... so we should already have our answer. The problem is, since they wont 'confirm' it, the reporters still have to go on pretending that Chris Brown is a free man.... oh the tangled webs we weave.

---BREAKING NEWS.---
R Kelly was found not guilty....WT!?! that's all I have to say about that. and maybe a few 'What the craps."...that's acutally what I said when I found out.

ANYWAY...

If I were Ryan Seacrest, or you know, had his job, the first thing I would want to know from the cast of the Twilight movie, is if they actually read the books before they shot the film. No one has asked that so far. That's important to know, you know, for a lot of reasons, not who they think would win in a fight, their characters, or the ones from Harry Potter....seriously? who cares.

ok, enough ranting for now.

j.

Here's to Imperfection (EHHHH)

2008-06-10T12:26:00.001-04:00

So I've finally discovered why I was having such a hard time writing on my blog frequently, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my writing.

In every other facet of my life, I'm totally the opposite of a perfectionist. Why can't I be all perfectiony when it comes to keeping my room clean, or my grades. I guess it's because writing is my outlet. It's how I express myself, so I guess I just want to make sure that i get it right.

But what I'm trying to realize is that the more I write freely, and without thinking and analyzing so much, it turns out way better....Or maybe not better, but atleast I have more to work with. Nothing is worse than a writer's block.

So here's to writing freely. My first free topic....Twilight. A book that hit me from left field. I have no idea the book even existed...

I feel so out of the loop.

But because of my older sister and her friend starting their own two people "book club." I have officially become a "twerd" or "twi-hard" or whatever twilight fans call themselves.

When I heard that the books were supposed to appeal to the same fan base as the harry Potter books, I'll admit, I was way turned off. I mean, I guess it's cause I've had a history full of problems with Harry Potter, but anyway they totally caught me by surprise. I read all three of the hefty books in like a week and a half. Totally record speed for me, being that I dont read that much hardly ever, let alone that fast.

So I feel a little too overwhelmed with information right about now to begin to write any kind of book review. But I will say to anyone who hears the word "fantasy novel" or 'vampire' mentioned about a book and gets immediately turned off, give the Twilight trilogy a chance!

They're pretty much the bomb.

Ok, so I have to go get ready. I have a JOB INTERVIEW. I know. Shocking. :)

2008-05-31T00:01:00.000-04:00

So, after I registered my blog on http://www.blogged.com/, I started to get a lot more hits. It really makes me curious to who is looking at my blog, what their stories are, how they happened to stumble onto "just jillana". Maybe someone was mindlessly searching Google, (as I find myself doing a lot.) Maybe they were searching for cool blogs to read, and they stopped at mine. For that, I'm really flattered. Maybe they clicked on the link, looking for something else, but found me. The people I really wonder about are the ones who actually stay, and look around.

Then I get a little self conscience knowing that complete strangers are reading my sometimes scatter-brained opinions, I really don't know who is sitting on the other side of the screen laughing at my retartedness. But that's ok, because I know that a lot of people who actually read my entries after accidentally reaching my blog, never leave comments anyway, so atleast I never have to hear what they think of me.

2008-05-27T18:00:00.000-04:00

1. Emotional Labor- is work specifically intended to produce a desired state of mind in a client and often involves putting on a false front before clients.

2. Emotional labor is a form of job, where the employees are almost actors. No matter what they are actually feeling, they have to act friendly and personable to the clients, because their job is dependent on their attitude.

3. A lot of jobs dealing with direct customer-employee relationships could be seen as some form of emotional labor, but a major form is food servers. Whether they are in fast food, or in a high scale restaurant, people who serve food, must cater to the customers every whim, and do it with a smile. They have to create an atmosphere that is pleasing to the customer, to avoid the consequences of a customer's one bad experience.

4. Having a good attitude if you work in the food service industry is crucial because often their wages depend on it. Most waitors and waitresses, dont have very high salaries and their money depends on their tips. So even if the customer is screaming at them and being difficult, they have to be nice if they want to make any money from them. While their main job description is to serve food, the next important, which is almost just as important, would be to please the customer and create a pleasing atmosphere for them, so they will come back. If one waitress is rude to a customer, word could get around pretty quick, especially if the customer was some kind of restaurant reviewer, and that one waitress' bad behavior could tarnish the image of the entire restaurant.

This was an entry for my concept notebook, in my Sociology 1101 class last semster. And now, I possibly get to live it. After turning in countless applications for my first job...ok like five. NO ONE HIRED ME. I guess cause I have no job experience, they think i'm totally incompetent, but I guess they dont realize how much of a job, being captain of the Varsity cheerleading team, Feature section editor of the Newspaper, and Section divider editor of the yearbook can be.

"All you have to do is DREAM, baby we'll be there"

2008-05-24T23:27:00.000-04:00

So...one of my favorite songs, is Dream You, by Stacie Orrico. It's on her 'new' album. It was supposed to come out like literally two years ago but according to her website, it's "temporarily post poned" so much for temporary, I have a feeling that's it's never coming out.

Atleast when Stacie Orrico was a Christian singer, she had a following.

No, I shouldnt be mean, I dont know if lack of funding is the reason for the 'temporary' postponement. Anyway, she did release a couple singles on her Myspace, before the album was canned, and Dream You was one of them. The song is about a girl who dreams of her perfect guy 'in the mornin', noon, and night' and it's basically is saying that the only perfect guy exists in your dreams.

It's not too deep, but it did get me thinkin. Besides the fact that her song is a total rip off from the theme song of Dreamgirls, cept in masculine form of course, but the fact that I feel the need to hold on to some form of hope of a perfect guy in my head atleast, because he hasn't seemed to manifest himself in real life yet. I just hope that when he does, I don't miss him cause I was holdin on too tight to Dream Guy.

*correction, I just read that the reason 'Beautiful Awakening' Stacie's third studio album hasnt been released in the United States and Canada yet is that there were problems during the merging of Virgin and Capitol records, and Stacie is a free agent. I still hope it's released soon!

Web Cam Mishaps.... my embarassing moment of the day

2008-05-23T23:53:00.000-04:00

So last night, me and my sister were watching The Devil Wears Prada....we started it at midnight, real smart.

Anyway, when we were done, it was...you know around 2:15...and as soon as I was about to go to sleep, I hear the ever charming little aim diddy, that plays when someone sends u an im. I look to see who could possibly be up at this hour, silently kicking myself for forgetting to sign out, again, leaving my friends to think that I'm there when I'm really not. It's my friend from middle school, Billy.

Deciding that Billy was worth sleep deprivation, I replied and we started to catch up, when I notice that the blue light on my web cam comes on, and this little video chat invitation pops up. Problem is I dont remember inviting Billy to video chat, and before I could correct my mistake, I look at our conversation to see that Billy was saying "Cool" in response to being able to see me. But me, being a little oblivious still, I was like..."What?" he was like "Oh I dont have a camera though"...then I realized that the invitation had gone through, and he was looking at me, looking "bright and shiny" at 2:30 in the morning.

The worst part was, when I tried to end it.... it wouldnt go away...I kind of flew in a small panic, becuase I havent seen Billy since like 8th grade...it's not like I was trying to impress him or anything, he was like my brother.

But as he was saying how I looked much older than he remembered... I was trying to get the computer to unfreeze so I could end our video chat, hide from the web cam, and proceed to inform him that it has been five years, so of course I would hope that I looked older than I did when I was 13.

And finally, when I got it to go away his final comment which made the whole experience that much more embarassing was something along the lines of..."well atleast you dont im in your underwear"...Yeah, good thing I dont im in my underwear cause that would have opened a whole 'nother can of worms.

Inspirational Lyric of the Day: Leona Lewis..."Footprints in the Sand"

2008-05-22T20:34:00.000-04:00

You walked with me, footprints in the sand
And helped me understand where I'm going
You walked with me when I was all alone
With so much I know along the way
Then I heard You say

I promise You, I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

this song is obviously based off of that Footprints poem that no one knows who wrote, but Leona Lewis is awesome! love that CD, love this song

verification

2008-05-22T19:26:00.001-04:00

Bloggin all over the world

2008-05-22T19:08:00.000-04:00

So, I've decided that it makes no sense to have a blog when the only people that read it, talk to me on a regular basis, so I could just tell them in person what I write on my blog. So the reason I wanted to start a blog was so that random people that I didnt know, could read my writing...you know reaching the multitudes. My mother...who writes about cards gets thousands of views from all over the world. I got one from Florida! I dont know anyone in Florida, and have no idea how they reached my blog, but it's cool. So since my mom writes about cards, people view her blog for ideas and advice, because they are also card makers. What do I write about?...nothin. So no wonder the only people who read this are my friends. I only write about me. how selfish.

Secular Music Debate....The internal debate that I've had with myself for a while now

2008-05-15T14:06:00.001-04:00

on the subject of secular music, I think that you have to be very careful of what you listen to. Music can affect your mood, your thoughts, which can affect your words and your actions. I do listen to secular music, but I'm very careful to what songs and what artists I listen to.
I read the Chris Brown cover issue of Ebony, because, while he is an amazing singer and dancer, I was really interested in finding out who he is as a person. My sister thinks this is weird, but for some reason, I can't justify listening to someone's music, if I don't agree with how they live their life. It just doesnt sit right with me for some reason. So, I turned to Ebony to find the truth, because you can read all of the teen stalker mags you want, and you might find out what his favorite candy bar is, but you wont find out squat about what he's like as a person.
So, I've concluded that, every single person on this earth is a sinner, and I really dont want to seem like I feel as if I'm better than someone. But it still bothers me to see someone, like Chris Brown, who obviously knows who God is, who Jesus is, probably has all the head knowledge in the world, not be saved and totally give his life to the world. The article disappointed me because I found out that one of the only songs on his new album, that I like listening to, wasnt really the kind of song that he wanted to do. It was just to keep certain people happy. bummer. What is really a bummer, is that it is incredibly hard not to like the kid. Whenever he's interviewed, or on TV, watching him, I cant help but be taken in by his Will Smith like humor and charm. But then, I remember what he stands for, what he sings about, and it's like you become a torn fan. Maybe I should just cut him out all together.

word vomit

2008-05-12T21:51:00.000-04:00

so i really wanted to start writing something here every day. atleast a little tid bit here or there...but for some reason i've been finding it really hard to find something to write about.
well, I'm watching one tree hill right now, and as much I love the character "skills" or Antwoin, in the show, and his role as the comic relief, I cant help but be annoyed that his character played by Antwon Tanner, is anything but stereotypical. I mean, it's really hard to explain, but...he just is. I really wish that for once, there would be a black character on one of these drama shows that wasnt the side-kick, the comic relief, or source for dirty jokes. just once. Now I'm watching the Hills, where things make sense....ahh reality.

Powerpuff Girls

2008-04-10T19:03:00.000-04:00

Why do we adhere to the genetically elite? Pretty people. Why can they wield so much power?This is a question for the ages. Why is it, that when we think of the "popular kids" or the "in crowd" the images that come to mind are those of over glamorized teenagers (or in my case, since I am in college now, over glamorized "young adults") who drive nice cars, and draw attention to themselves by laughing excessively loud in public?

I'm not trying to solve the problems of the world, or to preach to society about being less shallow. I'm just marvelling at how much power one can have for something they can't control. Despite my ill feelings towards society's permanent wading spot in the shallow end, I can almost guarantee that I will turn on E news tomorrow and find myself hanging on Hayden Panettiere's every word when she talks about....well anything, just because she is prettier than me. It's the reason why so many of these young starlets are automatically role models, before they even can fully step onto the Hollywood scene.

To be continued....

inpsirational lyric of the day...

2008-03-19T19:47:00.000-04:00

"Why do i question your intentions for me, when your affection is a proven legacy?"

---Joy Williams-- Genesis.

my 2 cents...

if you ever wanna feel really stupid, just act like you know more than God. works every time.

girls will be girls

2008-02-13T23:29:00.000-05:00

It’s funny how you can go your whole life without being insecure about something in your appearance--you might have even liked that part of yourself. But as soon as some one points it out, maybe not in a negative way, but they bring it to the forefront, your mind tricks you into believing that there indeed is something wrong, and your best attribute, can instantly become your worst.

My recent mind morphing experience happened while I was watching BET’s access granted. Bow Wow and Omarion were taking viewers behind the scenes of their new music video. While the set was innovative and futuristic, the concept was the same. Girls…club…the end. Nothing extremely original. So while they were in front of the video cameras putting on their best lip syncing performance, their director was in front of BET’s cameras spilling his guts. I wasn’t watching that attentively, but I did catch him say something about Bow Wow switching one of the lead girls for a girl with bigger lips. Apparently he didn’t think her lips weren’t kissable enough. Now, that got me thinking about my own lips. Not that I was worried about how kissable my lips were, it’s not like I was plannin’ on using them any time soon. But I did start to wonder... if it were me in the situation, would Bow Wow trade me up like last year’s point guard?

I started staring at my mouth in the mirror, and it was like it shrank right before my eyes. I went from blankly staring to glaring and picking apart every square inch of my mouth. All the sudden it was miniscule. I knew I never had big lips, but I had never noticed how little of my face they actually took up. In one short week, my new found insecurity was taking up most of my mirror time in the morning, and I was getting on my own nerves. I actually started thinking about solutions to my problem. Lip injections? No. I don’t like needles. Lip plumper? No that doesn't increase the circumference of your mouth, that stuff just burns your lips until they swell up enough to be called "plump." It was starting to look like I would have to go through life being the “little-mouth” girl.

You know when you’re obsessing about something you start to really notice it on everyone you see? Well before I could even really start to get that deep into my obsession, I finally had to stop my self. I said to myself, Jillana….your lips? Seriously? Your lips are fine. Yeah, I know it’s crazy to talk to yourself, it’s also crazy to obsess about nothin. So…I’m crazy. What else is new? So I think the lip fiasco is over. It won’t be long until I find something else to obsess about…girls will be girls.

if i only knew...

2008-02-10T01:19:00.000-05:00

When I was little I used to lay with one of my ears pressed up to my dad’s stomach and listen to all of the hallow sounds it made as my head rose and fell with his breathing. Sometimes I just want to go back to times like that, where I could just waist time listening to the gurgling of my dad’s insides as he slept, and I could just giggle at the sounds he was making. Back when I didn’t have to be a grown up, back when I didn’t have to deal with people constantly criticizing and analyzing everything I did, wore, or hung out with. Back when we all made the DARE pledge to stay away from drugs and alcohol and actually meant it. Back when I wasn’t the “white – black” girl, or when no one “acted” any certain way, and when everyone could unite on a playground. Back when I never felt like I was the only one on my team, on my side.
I used to count the minutes until I was eighteen. I remember writing in my “Girl-tech” Password journal when I was 8, exactly how my life would be ten years in the future. Of course I included a boyfriend, whom I am still waitin on, but other than that, my expectations for my eighteen year-old self turned out to be far from reality. In my mind I was a total different Jillana at eighteen. I saw this “glamazon” in my head who had loads of friends, a perfect body, a beautiful car, that my gracious father bought for me— my expectations for my father ten years in the future were pretty far fetched too. And basically, my life was the picture of perfection mirrored after the countless sit-com characters that I studied on a daily basis. I wished I would have known back then how things would really turn out. How being 18 really is. Maybe then I would have enjoyed being 8 a little bit longer.

come live with me and be my shoes an ode to all my favorite pairs of shoes

2008-01-04T19:55:00.001-05:00

Come live with me and be my shoes,
with you I will never have the blues.
To school I will wear you all the time,
all will know you cost more than a dime.

Your gold rhinestones match with my outfit,
"Are you of worth?" I will not doubt it.
All day I'll stare at your cuteness,
your shape, your color, and your "boot-ness"

The way you fit when I walk all day,
from you, I will never astray.
Your soft cushions that comfort my feet,

I'll wear you in the cold or in the heat.
If I took you home I would have joy,
I would choose you over any boy.

When I'm asleep I will wear you still,
if I'm well and glad, or weak and ill.
Your flat soles make it easy to walk,
wearing you, I can stay long and talk.

Fun adventures on the beach shore,
time with you will never be a bore.
Our time together is always fun
when we're out at night or in the sun.

To buy you would be such good news,
would you live with me and be my shoes?

"my big black bald headed daddy"

2007-12-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

So this one time, my dad was kinda makin me angry, and I was trying to make light of the situation I guess, and I said "You know dad, one day I'm going to write a book, about all of the things that you used to do and say to me, and I'll call it, "My Big Black Bald Headed Daddy" so you better be careful about what you say, it might be documented on the best sellers list one day." While I'm not going to really write a book about the workings of my father's parenting styles, I still wanna use that title. Being in a family of seven, who has moved six times and lived in five different states, you accumulate a lot of comedic material that would make excellent TV. I figure since I'm an aspiring journalist I figured writing a book would be easier. It'll basically be a book of our antics and experiences as a large family traveling the country, who we met, where we went to school and church. Hopefully it will be a good read. My family cracks me up all the time, so I just want to share them with the world.

This Christmas movie review

2007-11-29T22:05:00.000-05:00

So...over the Thanksgiving break, I went with my sisters and my mother to see "This Christmas." I dont think this movie was expected to do as well as the other holiday frontrunners like "Enchanted" or "Beowulf" but it has surprisingly been able to beat out the competition.
While it hasnt managed to inch past "Enchanted" in the box office race, it has beat out "Bee Movie" and "American Gangster." Now, before I actually went to go see the movie, I was already expecting the movie to be financially successful because of the expected millions of girls who were willing to spend 8 dollars on a ticket to go drool over Chris Brown for 2 hours. But the movie is so genuine and filled with a cast of very talented black actors, that it is no surprise now, why it has gotten so many great reviews.
Unlike the rest of my demographic, I was excited about the movie for more reasons than a certain R&B megastar. What really made me excited about it was that it had all of my favorite actors and actresses wrapped up in one movie. Regina King, who is such an underrated actress who should have a closet full of Oscars by now, and Sharon Leal, who played the replacement dreamgirl in one of my favorite musicals, played the older Whitfield sisters. Columbus Short was accompanied by fellow "Stomp the Yard" castmates, Chris Brown and Laz Alonso, making it the second movie that Brown and Short have been cast as brothers and Alonso played the jerk husband to King's character. Idris Elba first impressed me when he played Monty in Tyler Perry's "Daddy's Little Girls" when it wasnt until I watched the special features that I discovered he was British, plays the oldest Whitfield sibling. Lauren London was the youngest Whitfield girl, and Keith Robinson who was also in Dreamgirls played London's boyfriend. Finally, Loretta Divine, a living legend who played the original Lorrell in the Dreamgirls broadway show, played the mother of the Whitfield family.

So I think it is safe to say that even without Chris Brown on the cast, I still would have loved this movie. The rest of the cast was like a big ice cream sundae with Chris Brown as the rookie cherry on top.We were relieved that Chris Breezy made it past the first ten minutes of the movie without getting shot, and managed to deliver a performance that could stand above other singers-turned-actors.
While is seemed reminiscent of a Tyler Perry film, after some discussion with friends, we decided that for "This Christmas" to be in the same ranks as something like "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" as far as dramatic content goes, someone would have had to be hiding that they were a crack addict, instead of hiding that they wanted to be a singer. But since it wasnt crafted by Mr. Perry, we couldn't hold it against the folks at the production company.
The movie was a great mix of comedy, drama, and music, and I even found myself tearing up at some parts, and I'm not a movie cryin kind of girl--I didnt even cry in "the Notebook." I dont even want to say much more about the plot of the movie because I highly recommend it. If anyone finds there way to my blog to read this review, I wouldnt want to give anything away! basically, go see "This Christmas" that is all :)

sup dawgs...dis my blog

2007-10-28T15:42:00.000-04:00

Hello all who care....

Basically I wanted to set up this blog to display all of the things that I like to create, whether it be in writing, photography, poetry, drawings....which is why its titled "Just Jillana" basically its a compelation of random things that make up me!